Breakfast at Popeye's.

[Jerrybaldy]

Put your shades on, for your eyes are blinding.
You are getting fat, old friend
your denims are bulging, curving your zipper,
it must be a mess when you unpop.
You wanted to say you were worried,
word is I am unhinged;
you tell me in this café, in an underpass
as egg drips from your chin,
that I am getting too thin.
I listen, its what I do
and this invites you to talk,
I could walk
but instead I doodle
in brilliant white spilt salt.
You have your opinions
with mushrooms and fried onions
whilst I decide we will meet no more.
I swing the café door
against windswept autumn leaves
and walk by the brown silt river.
I need no man.

[Delta40]

The undercurrent of BS patient kindness is barely contained here. Seems there is a desire for an angry outburst. Great name for a cafe and since there is no shortage of gluttony, spinach is homeless.

[deryk]

The vivid contrast in images really brightens this piece. I love how conversational it feels without containing any actual conversation. It's like there are two sets of images that are personalized and having a visual conversation. Really superb tones.

[hillwalker]

Loved the image of a sympathetic listener baited, hooked and pulled in by this 'old friend'.

You have your opinions
with mushrooms and fried onions

is a great couplet.

H

[everyadventure]

Your poems seem to fall into two very different categories: pissed-off ranting, and understated brilliance. I prefer the second category, and this one falls into it.

I liked the line about doodling in the brilliant white salt; and how the speaker chooses to hold his tongue (as though arguing isn't worth the bother) but emphatically decides he doesn't need anyone.

Very good, my friend!

[MorpheusSandman]

The best thing about this is that you create an unsympathetic speaker who is nonetheless riveting because we're so entrenched in his headspace. There's a dynamic at play between the speaker's perception of the "fat friend" and a reality that he seems to be trying to hide, which is especially hinted at with "word is I am unhinged". There's a selfish defiance here being reinforced by his ad hominem attitude, as if he can dismiss/ignore what his friend is saying because he has his own negative qualities. How often do we find ourselves doing this? Covering up our own insecurities and faults by focusing on those of others. The more we have, and the worse they are, the more this seems to happen.

The only thing I'm unsure of are the two penultimate lines. It seems as if this speaker would be too wrapped up in his head to notice "wind-swept autumn leaves" or "brown silt river". I think a good pathetic fallacy would be good here, something subtle to hint that the speaker is so conceited that he's seeing his own frustration, or maybe, more interestingly, isolation, in nature. This would also make the last line superfluous, and it's usually better to find ways to say such things indirectly and suggestively.