Another First Date

[Theid]

Pretending for a second that it was real
It was nice to finally feel
An emotion that existed
Unfortunately you must have missed it.
But right now I'm drunk
Eternally in this funk
I can't win when you don’t see
That there's more to this, there's more to me
Unfortunately ill always be
A man, imaginary.

[hillwalker]

The opening 4 lines would make a great poem by themselves.

I'm not sure the rest of the piece does it any favours - rhyming 'drunk' and 'funk' seems a little desperate also.

H

[everyadventure]

You really captured the hopelessness of the situation... time to try an online dating site ;)

[Delta40]

I think two Unfortunately's in such a short piece impacts the mood of the poem. It loses the sad tragic quality and transforms into a bitter voice.

[MorpheusSandman]

I'm with Hill on this. The first four lines are interesting in what you suggest, but I think the rest drags that interest down to the realm of a tangible situation. The end-rhymes hurt more than help considering you don't maintain a consistent meter.