Salvation

[Delta40]

What say you to one foot
in front of the other?
To what end will my salvation appear?
Across barren ground
to fertile pastures
where bubbling brooks
babble along divergent paths
where I will drink from the fountain
and know eternal peace?
Nay, wench. There is naught so simple
in thys endeavour.
Coddle mythical folklore as you
stew over embers of faith.

Betwixt my soul and salvation
lie hollows of thorny bracken
where seething demons
flourish upon mankind's sins.
My fasting body, weakend and torn
by fiendish undergrowth is dragged into the copse.
Here I am taunted, heckled
Submit! Submit to the Devil.
Lord my evil wicknedness is before thee!
Grant me no reprieve!
I tremble with shame in the thicket as
frondescence bleeds thy senses
till at last I plead:
Release me Oh Lord!
Hast thou not felt my piety
blooming like a rose in my breast?
Might I pray unremittingly till the bonds
of my wrong doth break loose?
Let me harvest soothsayed grievances
and be praised for my meagre being.
I search for thee in earnest!

From Dover cliffs to Lochalsh,
the thirstiest of travellers
repose in holy sanctuaries
to ponder the ways of God
and be replete in thy victuals.
Tis there I find thyself bathed
in the warm kiss of nature’s forgiveness.
She crowns me with her mystical presence,
and urges me in thy slumber, to prevail.
Such is the reward of tempered stillness.
Yet ere long the day sets and familiar
chimera desires me onward,
one foot in front of the other.
I consummate the threshold of reverence
Fireflies herald me homeward
step by weary step,
where His merciful restoration
will appear as glorious as my guides.

[MorpheusSandman]

It has a very classical air to it, perhaps due to the subject matter, but I think maintain the dramatic tension well. Although I'm not sure how the transition is made from the speaker seemingly reveling in his sinful ways to finally desiring for salvation. At first I was thinking this was more akin to Don Giovanni, but ends more like George Herbert... Anyway, it's the kind of divine poetry I don't see much any more, and it's quite refreshing.

[MystyrMystyry]

Firstly I'd like to suggest a change from babbling to burbling and burble to babble (just because three whole syllables over two words in a poem should try not to be a cliched phrase, however much denoting childhood innocence - but the reader will naturally think of 'babbling brook' and mentally be sent back to their own)

Secondly I'd like to say how good it was - with a Nick Cavey texture and sense of impending Hell (Wild Rose comes to mind, though sung while poor Kylie's still alive)

Thirdly - yeah! - more of this!

[Delta40]

Nick Cave? Wow! I really love how some lit-netters can associate a piece of work to something that to me would be right off the map.

I made the changes you suggest. I'm not overfond of the word burble so much as babble. Maybe should use my thesaurus. what about where babbling brooks gush?

[MystyrMystyry]

Yeah - I agree - re-reading the stanza burbling does seem closer to bubbling

I picked up a pocket Oxford thessy for two bucks at the supermarket last week! It was out of place in the crappy books section (though they did have all of Roald Dahl which I almost bought) and when I took it to the checkout naturally it wasn't priced - overlong price check ensues, I tell Samantha (name changed to project the incident) that she should have just said 2 bucks and we could be getting on with our lives by now

So then I get this idea - to write a poem about the ordeal, utilising my new thessy to elaborate on phrases like waste of time, boring as Hell, in a hurry etc

The price checker eventually returns and announces sheepishly 'dollar 99' - I mentally roll my eyes fully aware that he's just made it up


Moral: If in doubt say no

[Delta40]

lol. make up your mind. this poem's success is contingent on whether you choose the right description for my babbling brook MM! get that Oxford out now!

[everyadventure]

Holy cow. Or yak, or whatever that profile pic is :) You are so DIVERSE in your poetry, Delta, that I am beginning to suspect you are schizophrenic!

Or maybe just talented. Either one.

[MystyrMystyry]

That's the cut!


It gives an even purer sense of a mountain spring now - yeah yeah bubbling yeah!

[kittypaws]

Delta, I enjoyed it just the way you wrote it....and I to believe the way to salvation is one foot in front of the other...

MHO ~ kittypaws

[tailor STATELY]

Excellent.

What a poetic journey you have crafted. (I avoided the ambiguous 'prosaic' adj. with zeal.)

Much different, indeed, from what I have read from your many postings.

frondescence - what an interesting word.

"Cimera" threw me a bit; but on the stumble I reached out for "chimera" (John Donne; as opposed to "Cimmerian" from Homer & Milton - as I learned perusing the dictionary). I hope I made the correct reach; the latter would be an errant choice to my mind, and I couldn't come up with another alternative. [I then googled "cimera" just in case I was missing a nuance and found "The Center for Interdisciplinary Molecular Biology: Education, Research and Advancement" which appears to be just ~50 miles due west of my locale - interesting, but not very helpful in any discovery.]

With admiration,
tailor STATELY

[Delta40]

A misspelling on my part Tailor. Thank you for your comments.

[MystyrMystyry]

^ Don't let it happen again!