You (An anthology of short love poems)

[dibyendra]

(i)

As I look at your windows,
I think of you.

You are elusive.
I feel powerless.

I can't help myself.
Feelings break me apart.

I am melting.
And I am crawling.

I float in the air,
As I feel weightless.

I lose control over myself.
And I become speechless.

I have no plans,
No courage to show.

Just desiring to see you
At this moment, on this day.

(ii)

I searched your aura
On the faces I met.

I followed the traces,
Imagining the voices.

But, you are elusive.
You seem untraceable.

So, I portray you in the words.
You are my poem.

I sing you in the rhythm.
You are my song.

And, I will not stop dreaming,
As you are my destiny.

(iii)

Waiting for you to start a spark,
that could open a path,
breaking the ice.

With the silence, days passed by,
but the heart still lingers,
like it did always.

Wish I could make you feel,
the way I am feeling,
without uttering.

I want these words fly and dance,
portraying the imageries,
in your mind.

Your silence clips the desires,
and it hurts the heart,
until you speak.

(iv)

You broke the ice, melting the truth.
It unveiled an unattainable desire,
aching the yearning heart.

Every word written, thinking of you,
are now unshackled to fly
to caress and tingle your feelings.

But, I am a ghost, haunting your world,
and still I am a stranger for you,
to whom you strangely dislike.

Bleach my feelings, discolor my world.
I will fade, putting a blame upon myself.
There will be no egos, and no tomorrows.

(v)

You are an abundant river,
yet I am a thirsty wanderer,
waiting on your verge,
dying for your drops of water.

(vi)

Underneath your sky,
I am laying down,
waiting for you to rain,
even if every drop overwhelms
and deluges the anticipation.

But, how can you deluge the feelings
that are gushing in these veins,
throbbing in these heartbeats,
and treasured by the soul?

Pull the trigger,
bark your bullets of pain,
splinter this heart,
and wind up your trouble.

Thurst me back to the shore,
with your torrential waves,
But I will still try to face,
though I know I'll fall back.

(vii)

You have a hope,
that grows as a tree.

You are flowing
to mingle into the sea.

Here, I am fighting
with my own shadows.

I go to sleep now,
for I'm awake from years,

only in dreams.

(viii)

The mist of hopes are fading,
as you are flapping your wings
to fly from these alleys,
declaring the battle of silence is over.

I surrender and lay down my heart,
and will descend and crawl
into my solitary world.

(ix)

I still cling onto the thorny stems,
hopelessly, as an insect,
looking to your exquisite petals,

but you will spread your petals,
only for an another bee,
letting it drink your youthful nectar.

(x)

When you flew away,
bleaching the alleys of dreams,
I silently admitted my defeat.

In your colorful world,
you breathe a different air,
where these echoes can't reach.

I still walk the same alleys,
carrying the disregarded echoes,
that aimed just to feel your heart.

[deryk]

I apologize for making a similar comment on another poem, but I think there is maybe too much predictability here. The problem with cliche language, is that it certainly does have its uses, but it requires a lot of care (usually more than it's worth) to execute effectively. I have more trouble with this collection, because I feel like the usage doesn't convey enough. Particularly words like "wings", "echoes", "weightless", "elusive"; those words are being used and yet they aren't doing much in their respective poems. I'll be prescriptive just this once, and something I personally do to correct this problem in my own work, would be to write maybe something as simple as word-association or auto-writing in response to each of the lines, and use that as a guide for revision to try and open up the lines with more possibilities. Don't be afraid to be dull or against your own schemes either.

[dibyendra]

I apologize for making a similar comment on another poem, but I think there is maybe too much predictability here. The problem with cliche language, is that it certainly does have its uses, but it requires a lot of care (usually more than it's worth) to execute effectively. I have more trouble with this collection, because I feel like the usage doesn't convey enough. Particularly words like "wings", "echoes", "weightless", "elusive"; those words are being used and yet they aren't doing much in their respective poems. I'll be prescriptive just this once, and something I personally do to correct this problem in my own work, would be to write maybe something as simple as word-association or auto-writing in response to each of the lines, and use that as a guide for revision to try and open up the lines with more possibilities. Don't be afraid to be dull or against your own schemes either.

Thanks so much Derky for your comprehensive and honest comment about this collection! Perhaps, I will try to rework on this collection by considering your nice suggestions.