My Town

[Delta40]

https://internet.fesa.wa.gov.au/alerts/Pages/Alert.aspx?ItemId=2540

Please note: This is a Reactive Write!

Kids whizz past me
on a stolen scooter.
as I walk to the shops
Will this heat never end?
They veer into bushland
and dump the bike laughing
'that was a blast, bro'.
Cars park on the verge
bulging with a fraternity
of drunken youth
whose unemployed status
threaten my suburban peace.
Hey there lady, you wanna ride?
They hang out in the seediest corner
of the community and cheer
their own failures.
The unforgiving sun beats down
like a visitor who has outstayed her
welcome.
The scooter lays on its side
gurgling a slow death.
Petrol leaks onto the tinderbox
bush grass like blood
till the resentment of the day
sparks a fire.
Whoosh! Fiery debris
is sucked through air-conditioning vents
working overtime to cool homes.
There is no time to pack.
No time to turn off the power.
In the burnt shell
that used to be a house
stands the frame of a treadmill
its melted rubber track
still smoking acrid fumes.

[MorpheusSandman]

I really like how patiently the piece monitors the interrelated causes of what comes to be devastating effects. I'm reminded of the films of the Coen Brothers who love observing all the minute details that go into creating the most immense of events. I'm not sure of some of the line breaks though, as many seem arbitrary, especially something like "like a visitor who has outstayed her / welcome." When I find myself tempted to do this in free verse I've come to realize it's because the line sounds too prose-like if laid out in a single line, but snapping it doesn't really make it automatically (more) poetic. I've started realizing that when I have that feeling that I simply have to rewrite the line or leave it as a prose-like line, which isn't always bad if the rest of the piece is sufficiently poetic. I think this becomes harder to avoid when you're telling a linear story in complete sentences. In such cases I actually prefer blank verse, because then the form naturally breaks the line and you can actually play around with how each line is phrased more without worrying about breaking it up.

[MystyrMystyry]

HOT!

It reminds me of the early days, before air conditioning to lessen the oppression

You've caught the relentless distress excellently Delta (I was reliving the sweaty itchy rashy frustration of our last Summer all over again)

I must say the detail remaining of the burn out was a good touch - turning the house (in lesser hands) into a home with that one click