Xylophone

[MystyrMystyry]

Leave my ghosts alone!

I mean stop damning my mementos...

Yeah - I know what you meant

It's my personality

I need to collect reminders

To know that I was when


I had this xylophone

I'll tell you again

It was broken

I didn't care

She didn't have to throw it out


But that was her personality

Nothing had any value to her

Nor anyone else

Not unless they were shiny and new

Some things need attention

Some things are fine as they are

Even if they are broken


It wasn't just the xylophone

There were other things too

While I was at school

But she didn't get it


I like stuff

[Delta40]

I think some lines could go such as to know that I was x 2. I like stuff or there was other stuff too seem to somehow lose their force so close together. I love the xylophone. One can hear its broken sound throughout MM

[MystyrMystyry]

Did some editing

[Delta40]

Much Better. I would ditch 'simply' because 'I like stuff' seems to say it all really. Consider revising the line: Nor anyone else had value only because it does not flow with the rest of the poem

[MorpheusSandman]

I'd agree with Delta, but what I do like is how this piece slowly reveals what it's really about. I just think it could do with a bit more poetry and bit less prose.

[everyadventure]

"To know that I was when" is my favorite line :)

[deryk]

This reminds me of my writing process. Very clever.

[MystyrMystyry]

Thankyou MS

Thankyou EA

Thankyou Deryk

I had a hard time trying to work out the way this was to go - was it about her? or my liking of stuff? - had to reduce a complex relationship to the fundamentals in order to get to the most important issues - stuff and memory

Though I think I'll stick with dream-poems from now on - this one made me feel a bit weird (actually I was already feeling weird, which is probably why I wrote it...)