Siblings

[zoolane]

Siblings

Shall we be sibling again?
With forgiveness that other will seek?
From the words we wrote.
With spiteful and venom lines on the screen.
We both refuse to back down.

I shall not be here for much long for you to be spiteful to me.
I shall take you spend with them.
I try to fair.
I should not let you speak to my children rudely.
Said that they are being rude.

I won't sitting in your house in silence.
I would rather sit on a park bench.
We two different people.
I will not being told by you or anyone that I am bad parent.

[Delta40]

I love your unique style Zoo. Somehow, in the tangle of dyslexia, your message comes home and is forceful. You write with such strength and in such a way that I would only edit your work mildly, rather than fully, lest I take away your voice. For example, 'I try to fair' is excellent since it can be read as you try to be fair and you try to fare well in this life.

So good to be reading your work again.

[MorpheusSandman]

There is a certain power in this, but I do think it's obscured at times by the double-take inducing grammatical errors and ellipses.

[everyadventure]

So glad to see a new poem by you... even though its subject is heart-rending. This line was fantastic:


I won't sitting in your house in silence.
I would rather sit on a park bench.

That particular line has a tone of "so there!" which you'd expect to find between feuding siblings.

There's something childish and mature about this poem, all at the same time.

I've missed your poems!!

[zoolane]

Thank you for your comments. Most of my poems or work have a double mean to them, also it upto the reader to decide on the content or context.

[hillwalker]

This smacks of someone standing up for what is right - and having to prove themselves to others who think they know better.

Like all your work it's more powerful because it's very sparse - cut to the bare bones as if you are laying your life open for us all to stare at. Great work.

h