Checked Out

[_Shannon_]

Checked Out

All of your anecdotes are from films,
all of your stories are from books.
You live a borrowed life
checked out on loan from other people.

You watch your wife cut the grass,
with your babies on her back,
so you can carry on your pointless opposition
to the neighbors' impeccable lawns.

You can't even write a damn poem,
because your emotions are so stuffed
deep down inside you. Like a wad
of toilet paper stuck in the drain.

I don't want to hear anymore
about manufactured experiences
just because you are afraid of your own.

I have waited a long time for you
to finally feel safe to come alive,
but I will wait no more.

[PrinceMyshkin]

My first thought was that this was a bit of Flannery O'Connor gone mad - not a bad response to get! But ultimately I don't understand at all why, at this point, the narrator has finally decided she's had enough. What went before it felt like a long established routine. Why would it change at all, and why now?

[_Shannon_]

Possibly she couldn't stand hauling babies on her back, for the sake of some unvoiced teenage rebellion spilling over into his upper 40's??? :D

I see your very valid point, though--and will see if I can't work out an extra stanza as a breaking point. Some which serves as an impetus for the last two stanzas. Thanks!

[Jerrybaldy]

Disdain. Was the word that came to mind. Loved the toilet paper stuck in the drain. Finally I thought , wait no more, get the hell out.
JB

[Delta40]

Wow! You just profiled my older brother! Brilliant.

[everyadventure]

If he won't cut the grass, hand him an apron and tell him to get to work in the kitchen.

[deryk]

Reading this was sobering, because I know so many people this poem characterizes. In fact, I almost read it as a social commentary rather than a portrait. The first stanza resonated strongly, especially because of the continuity with stanzas three to five. The second stanza gives an important glimpse of the character's habits, but it feels somewhat askew in the overall narrative. Always better to lie than borrow, in my experience.

[MorpheusSandman]

It's a powerful piece, but it feels more like prose than poetry, although I also love the toilet paper metaphor. I think the piece is stronger from the second stanza on because it feels more personal. You get more of a sense that what the individual is doing is affecting others besides themselves. Although, maybe that's because I identify a bit with the first stnaza! I'm rather a hardcore aesthete and I often find myself at a loss talking about my own experiences rather than books, films, poetry, et al. But I don't do this to the point it becomes a detriment to others. I live my passions alone, for the most part, and help those close to me when needed.