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Steven Hunley
03-29-2011, 11:40 AM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=usJD9zKr8aU

Too Marvelous for Words
by
Steven Hunley

I started out the e-mail with, “Honey, you’re so special to me.”

Nope, that won’t cut it.

Then I tried, “You’re wonderful.”

Can that too, already used it. Then I realized the problem. It was the same problem I‘ve been running into a lot lately. I’m running out of words to describe her. My ability to flatter or schmoose is getting weak. Just like my pulse when she’s around. Not only am I out of all the standards like,

“You’re grand, you’re swell, you’re great, you’re all that and a bag of potato chips,” etc.

I used all the ancient stuff too like,

“You’re the bee’s knees,” and, “You’re the cat’s meow.”

She informed me they went out with, “Twenty-three skidoo.”

I knew that.

And, thanks to my extensive thesaurus skills I’ve run out of all the synonyms that apply as well. I mean, it’s been over seven thousand e-mails. Serious. Over seven thousand. And quite a few stories. Hundreds of thousands of words if you really want to count them. Several hundreds of thousands.

I mean it’s true! She’s much too much and just too very very!

She’s just too marvelous, too marvelous for words!

Thank God for Johnny Mercer's words and Frank Sinatra's voice.

So what do I do? I know. I’ll put on the dark blue jeans she picked out, and the blue pin-striped shirt she said looks so good on me and the black “You’ll love it, it has an edge, just like you” belt that she gave me for Christmas.
.
I’ll splash on just the right amount of Polo Blue.

I’ll head to the flower shop, that’s what I’ll do. I’ll say it with flowers. So what do I write on the card? The one that goes in the bouquet.

How about, “You’re my favorite.”

That’s it; she’s my favorite for sure. All five-foot-two of her.

I never thought I’d get so much pleasure from sixty-two inches.

I never thought I’d have a problem describing a woman either.

DocHeart
03-29-2011, 12:58 PM
Tchk - tchk... So what's it gonna be next time you can't come up with an adjective? More flowers, or perhaps an engagement ring? *At least* try some onomatopoeia first...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pQW1c0esNIk

Ah well... I guess we all have to go some day...

Regards, my friend.
DH

Delta40
03-29-2011, 03:42 PM
There is an underlying cheesiness to this short piece but its also rather sweet. I'm thinking the guy has this dumb mutt look as his word usage diminishes....

Steven Hunley
03-29-2011, 08:22 PM
I think you have described our hero to a T. Sweet and cheezy and dumber with every bite of her he takes. What's wrong with him?

kittypaws
03-29-2011, 09:00 PM
What's wrong with him? Perhaps it is just the simple fact he is a man?

Someone should tell him actions speak louder then words....

DocHeart
03-30-2011, 03:44 AM
Sweet and cheezy and dumber with every bite of her he takes. What's wrong with him?

He will give and give and give all of the good things that are inside him, making it hard for her to suffer his kindness. He's a love addict.

It is difficult to offer a prognosis for such cases -- he could be on the brink of a happy, loving, life-long relationship. Or, he could end up dead in a gutter by the motorway, and it'll be 5 days before he is discovered by a truck driver who stopped for a pee.

Delta40
03-30-2011, 04:43 AM
Perhaps it is just the simple fact he is a man?

Someone should tell him actions speak louder then words....

:iagree:

Get him in the kitchen washing the dishes after cooking a glorious meal...now that's what I call hot action!

MANICHAEAN
03-30-2011, 04:03 PM
Steve

Reminded me of an Austrian girlfriend I had back in my twenties; blond, artic blue eyes, and five feet two inches of heaven. Same problem Steve. When she went back home, words were never enough, no matter how much poetry and prose I delved into.

Perhaps its a case of: "Beauty doth of itself proclaim, the eyes of man, without an orator."

M.

AuntShecky
04-04-2011, 02:33 PM
This is the third story I've seen on the boards today which borrows its title from "previously existing" works. One of them is a title of a famous non-fiction book on the movies and the other's derived from a short story by Saki. Your
title, however, comes from a famous song but failed to attribute the original source: Not Frank (as good as he is)but the great Johnny Mercer.

Noel Coward's well-known approbation of "cheap music," notwithstanding -- and no way would I characterize Mercer's lyrics as "cheap"-- your story spoofs the banal sentiment and imagery of popular songs.

The technique is a little awkward, though, as the narrator himself descends to stating the obvious:
It was the same problem I‘ve been running into a lot lately. I’m running out of words to describe her

(It's "telling" us something we've already been "shown.")

Still, you recover nicely in the next line:

My ability to flatter or schmoose is getting weak. Just like my pulse when she’s around.

(These lines parody the very songs you're writing about. Nice, subtle touch there.)

The two closing lines lead up to what can be construed as a typically male quip! If so, it has the effect of diminishing your clever spoof to what is essentially a "one-joke" story, and a risque one at that.

Even so, please continue to develop your sense of humor and incorporate it in your writing. We need all the laughs we can get!

Steven Hunley
04-04-2011, 07:03 PM
I stand corrected Auntie, and have amended the story. Not citing the creater of those marvelous words would be like slighting the poet and applauding the reader of the poetry instead. Thanks.