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[Hawkman]

Salt mist tastes like steam
condensed from boiled tears
and glows a sickly acid hue,
when stained by dawn’s first touch.

A distant curlew’s mournful cry
berates the morning light
for showing the bereaved
what it means to be alone.

[PrinceMyshkin]

The economy of this and the restraint are intrinsic to its power.

[Mojtaba-Iraqi]

You have a good ability to manage the sequence of ideas and feelings toward the climax in the last line. These simple and pure lines directly touch the right part of emotions in the mind of the reader; but I'm not sure of that, but I think it would be more powerful if u replace the word "curlew" with a more sublime reflection.

[Bar22do]

I first read the title - my bad eyes! - "Reverie", but of course the content of your poem unsealed them fast.
Effective lines, and, as I imagined N lying down on a ship's deck late at night, Joseph Conrad's word: "Facing it, always facing it, that's the way to get through. Face it!" crossed my mind... Thanks for sharing your poem.

Cheers and best as always, from Bar

[Hawkman]

Prince, thanks, glad you like this one.

Mojtaba-Iraqi, I'm afraid the curlew, or at least it's call, is central to the conceit of this poem. It's cry is probably the most atmospheric and hauntingly beautiful sound to be heard echoing over a salt marsh in the loneliness of dawn. I'm glad you were able to affected by this poem's words and cadence though.

Bar, Thanks for reading, despite your failing eyesight. Not sure why you would be transported off on a Conradian digression though. Curlews are waders and found inland at night. This is a poem about dawn on a salt marsh and the haunting loneliness of the curlew's cry. Face and get through what, exactly? Still, glad you found the lines effective.

Thanks again to all who read and commented. Live and be well - H

[blank|verse]

The opening image put me in mind of Bar's recent poem, Hawk.

Again, it's an evocative, a sensuous, piece, but I wonder if this one just gets a bit too abstract.

If she'll excuse me quoting her work here, Bar's gives the reader the suggestion of 'tears' without actually stating the word (reinforced by 'pouring' - tears 'pour' of course) so I feel works more effectively:

a wave
bears the breath of his last words,
pouring salt into the night.
And while we're talking of saltmarshes, can I add Dickens to the list of authors? :)

[Bar22do]

Well Hawk, your poem's second S curlew's cry "criticizes" the light for its "showing" what is to be alone, from which I understood N would rather not know. Hence the quote and since the atmosphere was marine, Conrad came to mind easily.
But my limited knowledge of English might have been an obstacle to proper understanding, I'm afraid.
Best as usual, Bar

[Hawkman]

Hi b/v and thanks for reading. There is I concede an inevitable emotional connotation with tears, but having used salt with mist I was looking for a sensual corrolation for salt without repeating it, hence the taste. I'll take the Dickensian reference though, I can almost see Magwitch running along the mudflats - lol.

Bar, Hello again: "tells off" might be a better substitute than criticize, but it was the loneliness and sadness of the Curlew's cry I was trying to evoke. The switch from dawn to night rather confused me though :D I don't think it's a failing in your English, more a lack of familiarity with the bird and its habitat!

Live long and prosper - H

[Delta40]

Is the acid hue about the sky?

[Bar22do]

The switch from dawn to night rather confused me though :D

Hawk, btw, 'late at night' is right before dawn. :)

[everyadventure]

This was wonderful. I could see the narrator wrapped in woolen blanket, perhaps perched on a log and holding a cup of steaming coffee, watching the sun rise after a long and lonesome night... only to find that things are not brighter in the light of day, but instead, solitude is only seen more clearly and felt more sharply.

Very, very well done.

[Hawkman]

Delta: Hi, the Acid hue refers to the mist which can glow a sickly acid yellow in the early morning when the low angled sunlight touches it.

Bar, I grant you that "late at night" might well be just before dawn, depending on your interpretation. However, I suspect your Conradian seafarer is lying on the deck because the ship has run aground!

ea: Thank you very much. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Live and be well - H

[MorpheusSandman]

For some reason the piece reminds me of a Stan Brakhage film, especially his experiments with painting on film (that's a good thing, btw, since he's one of my favorite filmmakers) I'm not sure why, but maybe it's the abstractness and sensuousness that BV mentions.

[tailor STATELY]

Powerful imagery. Enjoyed very much.

Sincerely,
tailor STATELY

[Hawkman]

Morpheus: Hi, and thanks for reading and liking. I can't say I'm familiar with Brakhage, but I'm delighted you were able to feel the sensuaousness in the poem.

tS, Thanks to you too and nice to see you back. Glad you enjoyed it.

Via con Dios - H

[MorpheusSandman]

I can't say I'm familiar with Brakhage, Most people aren't. He's probably the most important and influential experimental filmmaker of all time, but his works are so far outside the mainstream (no plots/narratives, actors, etc.) that he's little seen and little appreciated except by enthusiasts looking for someone who pushes the boundaries of film as a medium for artistic expression. He's pretty much as close as film can get to lyric poetry. You can see many of his films for free online and most are quite short (less than 10 minutes). Criterion put out a superb 3-disc Anthology set on DVD and blu-ray.

[hillwalker]

The sound of a curlew's call will always put me in mind of mistiness and the kind of longing uncovered by grief.

I'm not so convinced by 'boiled tears' since it introduces an artificiality to what is basically a vision of nature. But the way you condensed the imagery to eight short lines is quite masterful.

h

[Hawkman]

Thanks hill,glad you appreciate it. I see what you are getting at with boiled, but evaporated is rather a mouthful as a replacement I think, and although a natural process, is still rather prosaic if not sort of diagramatical. Makes me think of science lessons in school!

Live and be well - H