Door #2

[everyadventure]

The days are marked by the globe of sun
hanging close to baked earth.
I watch our children's bare limbs brown
as they ignore the shade of the banana tree,
kicking a football through the dusty yard.


At dusk you and I steam beneath mosquito net,
listening to the rustle of night life waking
through opened windows.
The ceiling fan whirs, purrs in pulsing rhythm,
but nothing,
nothing, nothing,
can cool this heat.

[PrinceMyshkin]

I would say that this is wonderful (What the heck: I might as well come right out and say it: this is wonderful!) but two things hold me back: 1) The title. Why is this door #2, the implication of that being, for me, that the narrator regrets an earlier decision to take door #1, which has brought her to where she is? and 2) the emphatic repetition of nothing that will cool this heat led me to wonder if some heat is intended other than that of the sun?

[Hawkman]

ea, not sure about, "...steam beneath mosquito net" either a net or nets would be better, I think. Not sure about "globe of sun" either. I'd put a line break in between whirs, and purrs, and I'm with Prince when it comes to the repetition of nothing. I too, fail to grasp the significance of the title.

Still, it paints a vivid picture.

Live and be well, H

[MystyrMystyry]

I get the title - but it also has a perhaps unintended connotation of the reader taking Door no Two. For my literality it says that where you're living is currently quite cool and you're imagining a warmer climate, but trust me I've just come from one, and it's hotter than you can imagine

or

You are in a hot climate and wishing that you weren't (which is perfectly understandable - and the necessity of a mosquito net even more painful)

It is well done, and the slice of familiarity with the human family experience (we had a banana tree too - my dad used to tell me it was where I came from - confused me no end and I still don't know what he meant!) bonding in hot weather

[Bar22do]

I do love this very much, it speaks to me as I spend a part of the year under a torrid, unrelenting sky...
For me, the repetition of "nothing" is justified up to two times (three is too much) it expresses well the feeling of helplessness one has while none the less hoping for a minute of relief which never comes...
Only children don't care and adapt easily.
Bungalow #2, doors wide open, a broad porch facing the sea? I don't know, but this is how I "see" the scene...
Well done ea, spontaneous, unpretentious, good!
Best regards,

Bar

[Delta40]

I'm too traumatised by this heat (please go away, I can't bear another 35c in autumn)...I rather think this poem is about the relationship more than anything else . You and I steam has its own meaning too!

[everyadventure]

Thanks all. @Prince, yes there is certainly more to the steamy heat than the climate.

@hawk, sorry you didn't like "globe," I kind of liked it because the scene I'm referencing is a world away from reality.

@MM: birthed by a banana tree? That's a new one!

@bar, perhaps the repetition is too much, but I had the whir of the fan in my head "nothing nothing nothing" and it felt right.

@delta: of course your'e right, it is about the relationship more than anything else.

As always, your input is appreciated!

[deryk]

Wow! The speaker is so dissatisfied with life that he or she can't even comment on it. I understand the title. It's powerful! Excellent use of subtlety. Very well played.

[MystyrMystyry]

@MM: birthed by a banana tree? That's a new one!



Is that what he meant??

[Jerrybaldy]

Loved it Misadventure. repeat all you want. Door #2 works as a euphimism. But I did not say that .

[everyadventure]

Door #2 works as a euphimism. But I did not say that .
Oh gracious. Only you would think of that, JB!:rolleyes5: