Added Stanza: My Senior

[everyadventure]

"I'm old,"
you complain,
a cantankerous senior.
Wincing dramatically at the creak, the squeak,
of rusted geriatric bones,
you blink feebly behind thick lenses
and hang your grizzled head.

Nearby, your brown corduroy jacket
hangs lonesome in the closet,
holding the shape of younger self,
a crumpled receipt for the University bookstore
forgotten in a pocket.

Now you lecture in your pajamas
from behind your computer desk
as I, your student,
listen attentively to you, my senior.

"I'm old!"
you protest,
waving gnarled hands.
"Used up and brittle!
Now leave me be!"

How can I?
Beneath your deceptively wrinkled brow
greatness wastes.

[PrinceMyshkin]

It is what it is...
or isn't, as the case may be.

[Delta40]

nice touch the crumpled coat and lecturing in pyjamas EA - it implies a greatness that was.

[Jerrybaldy]

nice addition. a plus.

[Bar22do]

I find it extraordinary, theme wise, but also the poetic freedom of the verse! The last short strophe is a moving tribute... thanks for sharing this... best from Bar

[firefangled]

Reminds me of a poetry teacher I had many years ago. I also liked the corduroy jacket and particularly the crumpled receipt from when he or she was a student.

[MystyrMystyry]

Nice insertion, adding dignity to the dude who has seen a lot

[Haunted]

I read the first version and felt it didn't do justice. This revised version finally gave me something to sink my teeth into and I like the added image of a former "form". Still I feel there's something lacking and this sounds like a contradiction and threw me off again

Beneath your deceptively wrinkled brow
greatness wastes.

shouldn't it be:
Beneath your wrinkled brow
greatness wastes

[deryk]

Very much improved. Kudos.

[everyadventure]

Thanks all, for your input.