Plutonium

[MystyrMystyry]

It was a good noise
And Johnny strumming
His axe with his arse
Was inspired
Geoffrey couldn't sing
For macadamia nuts
But that added to the
Hot Volcanic Moment
In the spotlight
Brenton's drum solo
During Undertow
Was pure genius
Though Garth had
Some wrecking ball
Licks in the Bombs Away
Finale
Before he smashed his
Guitar against the amp
Without a backup
But they were pros and played on
And actually he had a better
Vocal range than the singer
Who's divebombing off the
Stage into the crowd wasn't
The best idea as it parted

Like the Red Sea and he cracked
His skull on the concrete
At the same time as
Johnny stepped in a puddle of beer
And electrocuted himself
(Never seen anyone play like that - it was electric!)
And then Brenton's explosives
In the kick drum went off and
Blew a hole in the old wooden
Planks beneath him and he and drumkit
Fell through and set
Off a box of old firecrackers
In the cellar beneath
And one soared into the lighting rig

Which

Fell

On

Garth


And then when the audience cheered and
Yelled for an encore
Their ghosts rang out in the sirens
Like tinnitus

We would but we can only do it once...

[deryk]

Awesome zaniness. I'm still rereading it.

[Delta40]

lol. I like your style the subject matter particularly suits it!

[Jerrybaldy]

This was real fun Eminem, made me smile throughout.

[AuntShecky]

My only criticism about the form of this piece is not the lack of punctuation, but rather that the capitalizations remains. When the poet dispenses with punctuation, he must also dispense with capitalization. In my admittedly less-than-expert opinion, free verse should have both punctuation and capitalization or neither.

As to the content , the sole criticism is that your penultimate lines

Their ghosts rang out in the sirens
Like tinnitus

are somewhat puzzling. Whose "ghosts" are these-- the band members? I ask this since the most proximate antecedent is the "audience" in the previous line. Additionally, tinnitus is an ailment affecting only humans (as far as I know); using it in a simile to describe sirens might, I believe, bring you close to the "ground zero" of the pathetic fallacy.

Now the "positive" comment on your piece:
Despite its satiric edge, it seems to capture the energy of a rave, which I understand can occasionally be described with the frequently mispronounced, hyperbolic word, "nuclear," implied the metaphor in your title. The closing line is very funny.

[I said "rave" because I never could get used to the term "rock concert." Yours truly comes from the tail-end of a generation who upon hearing the word "concert" collectively thinks of classical music performed by "longhairs," before rock stars, for a time, copped that term as well. I don't want to say "rock show," either, as that sounds like a booth at a geologists' convention! Oh, I'm just having a little fun with you. Your verse was exuberant and entertaining.]

[firefangled]

Very funny and enjoyable, Lots of control made it so.

I agree with Auntie's comments about punctuation and capitalization.

What is not clear to me is if N is like Ishmael, alone escaped to tell the story. Is N a ghost telling us about this rave? If so, "their" excludes N from the closing line.

If N is also a ghost telling the tale, since you use "We" in the last line, say "Our ghosts rang out..." and the last line reference will be clear.

[tailor STATELY]

Positively hilarious.

Rock on!,
tailor STATELY