Lost In Your Desert Dreams

[Dark Muse]

Lost In Your Desert Dreams

Too long I have walked
within your desert
lost among the barren
wasteland which your dreams wrought.

Too many passing suns
and fingernail moons about
to fall have I been caught
within your arid landscapes
which your heart create
parched as your soul
watching the world through
cloudless eyes.

And too much have I
been the one to water
the thirsty deprived earth
of your gardens which never grow.

Nevermore should I remain
living in the sand castles I build
inside of you, when your high
desert winds always blow them down,
to be carried away across the ever
burning plain with is angry suns
and its frozen tundra nights
in which a wakeless sleep
may be the only relief.

[IceM]

Everything makes sense; the imagery, the choice of desert as a metaphor. This is a fundamentally sound poem in that everything gels. It just didn't move me.

[deryk]

There are some really good images here, I especially liked the "fingernail moons"; and the form is lovely. I also think that some of the word selection borders on Victorian Melodrama, which tugs against the natural beauty of the poem.

[shortstoryfan]

I think this poem has some really excellent line breaks.

[MystyrMystyry]

I like this - the forlorn feel and dusty dry atmosphere, the relentless sun beating down on the vast emptiness, much of it that gave me a deja vu


Like it or no, the desert is an actual place, and at night the sky is incredible:

http://i1134.photobucket.com/albums/m605/mystyrmystyry/tumblr_lh6gkzA3741qfydoyo1_500.jpg

but the air always seeks and sucks moisture

[deryk]

I like this - the forlorn feel and dusty dry atmosphere, the relentless sun beating down on the vast emptiness, much of it that gave me a deja vu


Like it or no, the desert is an actual place, and at night the sky is incredible:

http://i1134.photobucket.com/albums/m605/mystyrmystyry/tumblr_lh6gkzA3741qfydoyo1_500.jpg

but the air always seeks and sucks moisture

Looks amazing, but Photoshop I'm guessing? It looks more like something captured on the Hubble.

[MystyrMystyry]

Actually it was a fortuitous smear of grease on the lens

[deryk]

I'm full of stupid questions. I have a disorder with my occipital lobe that prevents me from seeing stars in the actual night (the reason my astronomy degree went sour, yikes!). I'm guessing that grease must be worth billions.

[Deriath]

I like this - the forlorn feel and dusty dry atmosphere, the relentless sun beating down on the vast emptiness, much of it that gave me a deja vu


Like it or no, the desert is an actual place, and at night the sky is incredible:

http://i1134.photobucket.com/albums/m605/mystyrmystyry/tumblr_lh6gkzA3741qfydoyo1_500.jpg

but the air always seeks and sucks moisture

I was stunned by your image. I wish to visit such a place to witness nights like that. I can only assume you have a profession in photography?

[MystyrMystyry]

Night photography's great fun - you just need a camera optimised for low-light - in this case Canon s95

[Skia]

I got lost in your sands of poetry for a moment.

[MorpheusSandman]

This is a great example of what can be done with an extended metaphor. For some reason, all poetry about deserts makes me think of the two issues of Sandman that were set in the desert, Exiles and... I forget the other. The only thing I'm not sure about here is the ending... maybe too much telling to end a piece that did so well at showing.