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Delta40
03-15-2011, 08:50 PM
Guilt is a choice. One wears it like an emblem so other people will step back and give them space. So when I say, I have not been in a place which allows me to review short stories, assure me it is ok. Good. Let us move on.

When I peel sheets of skin from my shoulders and arms, the feeling is exquisite. I mean sure, sunburn is painful but all that flaking skin coming off in layers is a human curiousity that excites me. I would quite happily remove flaky bits from other people but one knows the boundaries. For me, it is family only. Keep it in the family and don't share the practice with others. If you do, well I can only say it is crossing the lines of decency.

Imagine a family of monkeys sifting through each other and picking out the nits. Its a bonding time. We all know that. Hasn't David Attenborough rammed the solidification of animal society down our throats to the point we might possibly draw parallels here? I don't know. I like picking out those bugs while watching another repeat of Law & Order. My kid sits there, thinking she is special because I would go to so much trouble to groom her. 'I feel like a furry little monkey Mum! Just don't eat the bugs ok?' We laugh as I hoo hoo like an primate and pretend to gobble the lice up. When the show is half way through she announces 'My turn!' I love her touch. Her careful inspection. She combs strand by strand, layer by layer in the hope of striking gold and exclaiming 'You've got nits! Woo hoo!' She has seldom found them in me but she has always been optimistic.

She doesn't tell her friends though. It is like some dirty secret outside of the home but inside, we really do bond, giggle and use the microscope to study the offending lice in the bowl. Fascinating really but anywhere else, I get the impression it is not a great practice. How can it not be? Grooming, health and even an element of scientific interest. 'How many legs can you count? Six, no maybe eight. Is that its antenna?' What is so different between monkey grooming and human grooming? One is out in the open and naturally acceptable. The other? Filth. Apparently, if you're a good parent, these sorts of things will never happen.

I worry that we take it for granted that peeling the sunburnt skin from a loved one and picking out head lice while watching a re-run is not the norm.

What are you going to do about it? Call Protective Services?

She goes to bed feeling good. Firstly on account that her head lice are not bothering her as much. Secondly because her mum made it a fun time to spend together. I get the satisfaction of keeping an infestation under control and laughing at silly things which are only there to make us enjoy the time we spend together more.

The school sends home a note banning her from school for hygiene reasons. Well, gee thank god they didn't notice the ringworm on her back. There would be hell to pay if that ever came to light. So she cannot return unless she is prescribed a recommended hair lotion. I am supposed to take her to the doctor and get the prescription. It is like a thick, rank smelling tar which she must keep in for as long as she can bear it. The shower rains down on her pubescent body and after several minutes, she screams and says it is burning her scalp. I read the instructions. Keep in for a minimum of 5 minutes but only two have passed and she is starting to cry. Her red soaked eyes tell its own story when I say 'You have to keep it in. That is what the instructions say' All she can see here is a betrayal of trust. She relied upon me to look after her in a loving way, spend quality time with her. Help her manage those unmentionable little critters that appear in our lives as well as shedding old skin for new.

Somebody has to do it don't they? Afterward, the foaming tar gets in her eyes and she lashes out, her small breasts quivering as the water trails along her developing curvature. It is too much for her to bear. For me. I towel dry her stinky hair. 'I'm sorry. It wasn't fun at all.'
'I don't need this **** in my life right now Mum'
'You're right. Shall we do this the fun way?'
'Only if we get to watch NCIS instead of Law & Order'
'It's a deal!'

She gets into her pyjamas and I pop corn. She sits on the giant pillow in front of the armchair while I use the nit comb to sort through the strands of tar scented hair and groom her as I did in the past. She laughs when my hand runs lightly up the nape of her neck. 'I'm ticklish. Stop it!'

The next day, the shampoo is in the bin. It isn't worth it. We share a bond, my daughter and I, revelling in dead skin, crawling lice, massaging tender muscles and cheesy jokes. How else will we spend our evenings?

Both of us agree no bottle of tar can replace what we share. Is it wrong? Or am I missing a vital point of family management vs the pharmeceutical industry?

Jerrybaldy
03-15-2011, 09:05 PM
A depiction that shows normality is always in the hand of the sanctimonious bastard reviewing it. I wanted to be a part of your family x

Delta40
03-15-2011, 09:10 PM
thank you Jerry.

hillwalker
03-16-2011, 09:03 AM
A touching snapshot of 'normal' family life - why do we feel the need to keep such stuff under wraps and cosmeticise everything?

H

Steven Hunley
03-16-2011, 10:07 AM
The stuff here in the states is called Pyrinate A200 or some such rot. It's not exactly turpentine, not quite acetone, and certainly not as mild as alcohol. I think they make a fortunate on it, as I'm sure it isn't expensive to make. If they had a penny for each little girl's tears.......you know what I mean.

Good subject matter, it speaks to many of us with kids. I hear you loud and clear.

DocHeart
03-16-2011, 12:54 PM
I dare to read this well-written piece as a description of the big question mark that floats over the head of many people who are marginalized (or choose to marginalize themselves). The narrative reminds me of many a literary example of a character wondering "why do you think I'm strange?".

Poe's and Hogg's and Stevenson's characters wondered "why do you think I'm strange that I want to kill? It seems so natural to me." And we are repulsed by the desire to remove life, the brutality of murder. Here, the mother cannot grasp why she cannot study flakes of skin and parasites with her daughter - and we are repulsed by the violation of standardized aesthetics, before we even begin to worry about the pair's self-imposed isolation.

But in the end, their attitude is defiant and brave. It is a sad and emotional "up yours" to rules, even the most basic of rules, even the ones which make us turn away in horror when broken.

Keep writing, Delta40.

Best regards,
DH

Delta40
03-16-2011, 05:24 PM
Lol. This just came out yesterday when we were walking down the lane of things we shared when she was younger. She brought it up. It was a fond memory for her, having her hair groomed by me while she watched tv. I actually could not afford the proper treatments at the time because I was on welfare. In hindsight, I wonder if we are more blessed because of it!

DocHeart
03-16-2011, 05:27 PM
Oops.

Apologies.

AuntShecky
03-23-2011, 01:17 PM
Leave it to Delta to come up with original topics or at least topics that haven't already been done to death.

The childhood rite de passage as you describe it is more common than you think here in the good ol' U. S. of A. Years and years ago I used to work in a preschool and you can only imagine the havoc caused by such an --to use a favorite term from Seinfeld--" infestation!"

The analogy to the lesser primates is a good one.

Naturally, this is Auntie, so I have a suggestion, at the risk of being one of the cranks which fearless Jerry B. described in his reply to you (and that's a "shout-out" to my new pal!)

Your first paragraph is a disclaimer, I realize, so maybe you could set off from the story itself with a different type of font, or maybe a color.

I would move the second paragraph down to the end of the story, as it reads almost like a conclusion--though not a "moral," which is always good to avoid.

I would use the third paragraph as your opener.

Other than that, your story is fine!


P.S. Dept of "Shameless Self Promotion"
This one (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=1017361#post1017361), posted last week, is getting cobwebs in the corners and dust on its surface from neglect. (Just in case you're interested.)

Delta40
03-23-2011, 05:41 PM
Thanks all for your feedback. I'm thinking it is more an entertaining article than a short story so I will edit and consider your suggestions Aunty.

The question is whether any of you felt compelled to scratch your head while reading it!