Should airline stewardesses lose weight?

[MANICHAEAN]

SHOULD AIR LINE HOSTESSES LOSE WEIGHT?

With the appealing prospect of going on home leave this coming Friday, and flying from Doha to London, I started to consider the subject of airlines and my experiences over the years on different flights.

Let’s look first at so called, national airlines. Do they really reflect the characteristics, in any way of the country they represent? Personally, I think “Yes,” and let me give you a few examples to illustrate.

On Air Italia from my experience, the hostesses tend to parade down the aisles like haute couture models on catwalks, distaining any attempts by passengers to get their attention. They are there to be admired, to be viewed in feminine awe, but “Don’ta toucha the goods!” However, inadvertently spill a coffee on your lap and the “mama” instinct kicks into play and they will fuss over you and love you like a bambino who has fallen and cut his knee.

Japan Airways once, I awoke early morning to a stewardess in a kimono kneeling beside me asking with lowered eyes and in a whisper, if I would like sushi for breakfast or Western corn flakes!

In Iran Airways it was a Russian Turpurlov plane with Russian markings and they wore the black burka. You got a cheese roll and a booklet on the Islamic Revolution’s material advances.

Nigeria Airways, you pay a bribe to get on an internal flight that is already overbooked. “Dash money rules my dear brother.”

On Saudi Airways its orange juice to drink all the way, dates instead of peanuts and a screen showing the direction of Mecca throughout the flight.

With Gulf Airlines, the stewardesses are invariably blond and big boobed, (they like em that way!), whilst on British Airways, it seems to be predominantly male stewards of the gay persuasion who are not adverse to tucking you in by adjusting your blanket.

Which brings me tangentially in my normal fashion to Thai Airways. Not long ago it was considered that the Thai Airline hostesses were both overweight, and not as attractive as their Singapore Airline competitors. It was proposed in a serious manner that the Thai Airlines hired “Air bimbos!” This raised the mind boggling prospect of being served at 40,000 feet by ex-local beauty queen winners like “Miss Sticky Rice of Chaing Mai.” The captain’s announcements would also have been of no small interest. “Welcome aboard Thai Airline Flight 008 to Bangkok. Today’s chief stewardess from Buri Ram, is 5 feet 2inches tall and her hobbies are saving the planet and cooking green chilli curry.”

Alternatively, they could consider hiring lady boys as flight attendants. These tend to be a bit more flamboyant than the other two sexes, and you would probably expect to see a lot wiggles down the aisles and perhaps a feather boa or two more, than is presently the case. Actually it brings back to mind the old Continental Airlines slogan: “We really move our tails for you.” So you could find yourself being served by a person crowned “Thailand’s 2010 most beautiful transvestite.”

Now that would be really something to tell the kids … or perhaps not!

[MarkBastable]

I rather like outrageously camp male flight attendants. I always flirt with them like crazy. They're not fooled - they can tell I'm straight, but the trade of innuendo whiles away the empty hours for all parties and they usually reward me with a free gin and tonic or, if I'm shamelessly flamboyant, an upgrade to Business Class.

As you can imagine, this amuses the hell out of my wife, right up to the moment I leave her in Economy and move upfront.

[kiki1982]

If I were your wife, I tell you, you would not be going to business class, my friend.

[Lokasenna]

I personally love IcelandAir for the fact that their stewardesses are not bimbos - they are often either older or rather plain. They are, however, extremely competent at their job and generally very helpful and pleasent. When I'm flying, I don't give a monkies how the assistants look, so long as they do their job.

I once flew on a torturous AirFrance flight (11 hours), and the trolley-dollies, though all glamarous, were surly, unhelpful, and so disinclined to work that I never saw one again after the third hour. They hurried out the lunch, then an hour later the dinner, then a drink, and then buggered off to the galley for the rest of the trip. I was not impressed.

[Emil Miller]

Being awoken by a Japanese stewardess in a kimono would have been the only time that I would have enjoyed being woken up. I hope you took the sushi.
You are may be old enough to remember when BEA and BOAC hostesses were recruited from finishing schools. Stately, statuesque English gels who might have graced the table the aristocracy. It seemed that as soon as they had been been presented at court, these erstwhile debutantes made a beeline for an airline as it was the in thing and simply too too divine.
Many airlines at that time had model like hostesses and no males aboard except in the flight compartment. Airports also reflected the order of the day, clean and efficient with not a pair of jeans or trainers in sight.
Then it started to change with the introduction of charter flights until we have reached today's air hostesses, who are reasonably dressed but something of a disappointment in comparison with their earlier incarnation. Heathrow has gone from being an airport to a pit that I avoid like the plague, but in some cases it has been difficult to miss on account of some airlines on long haul flights not flying from Gatwick. As for Europe, thank God for the Channel tunnel.

[MANICHAEAN]

I am of that age, where on my first flight as a schoolboy, we took a coach down to Kent, boarded a plane on a grass runway, flew across the English Channel, touched down in La Belle France and took another coach to Paris.

I compare now, where I invariably fly, (at the company's expense I might add), business or first class in a self enclosed compartment, high on altitude, attitude and champagne, with a BMW 7 transfer from plane to the terminal. Upon reflection, I still think I got a greater thrill out of the former!

Mark. Likewise I enjoy the repartee from the male stewards of a certain ilk, but draw the line at a bed time story. I write my own !

Kiki. Let him be. Boys will be boys!

Lokasenna. Never done one of those 11 hour jobs. Must be hell.

Emil. Yes I took the sushi and she demurely pointed out Mount Fuji through the window. The Far East has a unique magic of its own.

Might I be bold enough to ask if any members of Lit Net Forum are likewise members of the Mile High Club? Jerrybaldy please refrain from any response!

Warmest regards
M.

[DocHeart]

Manichaean, I really enjoyed your piece. It reminded me of Eco's "How to Travel with a Salmon", only funnier and (dare I say) more astute.

You should try Greek airlines some time. In the old days we only had one, Olympic, which was state-owned and the stewardesses were, naturally, civil servants. You asked for a drink and they gave you an application form to fill in. Even though the drink was supposed to be free, you still had to pay 700 drachmae to cover administrative expenses.

And they all could have done with shedding a few kilos.

Nowadays there's five or six of them airline companies and they're all privately held. They all make the girls wear dark blue uniforms and little pointy hats. One of them recently woke me up to serve me microwaved green beans on the late night flight to Heathrow. My still sleeping brain mistook her for an officer and I thought I was back in the navy doing my military service and had fallen asleep on duty.

And their weight is just perfect.

Regards,
DH

[Paulclem]

I never flew it myself, but my wife has recounted to me her flight to India in 1989 with Aeroflot. The stewardesses looked like shot putters, and were as unhelpful as Mrs Trunchbull.

Halfway through the flight, they made an unscheduled stop at Tashkent where they were herded off the plane - without their luggage - into a hangar There they waited for an hour until they were instructed to return to the plane with no explanation. On returning to the plane, they found that their hand luggage had been rifled through.

The perks of dictatorship I suppose.