Sanitized Version

[Delta40]

This should be a short story
but who the hell has the time
to scribble out segments of
a secret in 1500 words?

She overdosed on 30 pills
I guess you want to know why
but there are not enough lines
in the Bible to explain.

Her Daddy collapsed and got admitted.
Why, you ask would he do that?
I know. The letters on a keyboard
could not describe his fear.

While doctors pumped her stomach,
he went into hysterics
and had to be sedated.
The nurse thought he was worried for his little girl.

His blood pressure soared
then his heart pulsed out of his chest
and fell on the floor quivering like old jelly.
He died with a single, terrified thought.

What if his daughter spoke out?

[Jerrybaldy]

abuse? Prose came to mind but you did bat it off with your opening line, smartass vegimite :)

[MystyrMystyry]

Pity he died such a quick death. Unless he was a secret spy with a big secret that she had found out under hypnosis...

No the irony here is that he had killed his daughter, and then she tried to kill herself, and then he died of worry that she would recover and dob on him for his midnight misdeeds - I'd prefer it if Mr Prickbrain had a non-fatal but severe car crash on his way causing him to be an aware head on irreparable body - reliant on her for his dogpoo milkshakes and maggot stew

[Delta40]

Your reviews are so poetic M!

[deryk]

Karmic justice at its apex. I like how she was rescued by tragedy, word-counts, and gelatinous terror. It should be a short story, but the prosody is too organic for it to be anything but a poem. There's a reason they say child-abuse is the perfect crime. It is.

[Delta40]

Karmic justice at its apex. I like how she was rescued by tragedy, word-counts, and gelatinous terror. It should be a short story, but the prosody is too organic for it to be anything but a poem. There's a reason they say child-abuse is the perfect crime. It is.

I have not given much thought to the distinctive difference between poetry and prose. I read somewhere that prose is straightforward, everyday writing where poetry is a considered process to convey some thought. I'm still confused. When I read a critique that says 'this is too prosey' do they mean it reads more like a story or a report than poetry? What is the opposite effect for a short story writer? Too poetic?

Enlightenment
bestow yourself upon me
that I might be your humble shadow

[deryk]

I have not given much thought to the distinctive difference between poetry and prose. I read somewhere that prose is straightforward, everyday writing where poetry is a considered process to convey some thought. I'm still confused. When I read a critique that says 'this is too prosey' do they mean it reads more like a story or a report than poetry? What is the opposite effect for a short story writer? Too poetic?

Enlightenment
bestow yourself upon me
that I might be your humble shadow

" I read somewhere that prose is straightforward, everyday writing"
That is how I would define all writing that acknowledges an audience, all traditions aside. I would say that poetry leans more toward the spacial side of things, while prose tends to be more temporal. Chiefly, prose requires a narrative structure, but poetry does not. Even that is debatable.

This poem has such a great story. It reads like really exemplary flash-fiction because it's so narrative-endowed. It has: characters that develop, a chronological sequence of events, causality, and a definitive ending. It's just a good narrative poem. If only fiction were so appealing (who wants to waste the extra 1371 words, right?).

[MystyrMystyry]

prose = words in their best order

poetry = the best words in their best order


A strike rate of 95% is still poetry, and there are many poetic short stories and novels out there - maybe a new thread?