A World Unimagined

[Revolte]

Eyes glued in Coca-Cola crust
dispel themselves and open,
revealing a world unimagined
relentless and silk
with green sky and purple grass,
where structure is myth
and law is crime.
A world of dream,
lucid and baby blue.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Either I didn't get the full sense of the last two lines or they're a touch anti-climactic but if the latter only because everything that precedes them is so strong and convincing.

[Revolte]

Either I didn't get the full sense of the last two lines or they're a touch anti-climactic but if the latter only because everything that precedes them is so strong and convincing.

Think I should take them out? I don't suppose they really play much part, it's almost redundant. I wasn't sure if I should leave them or take them.

[Delta40]

Shame that Coca-cola exists in a world unimagined but I like the imagery here - has a real LSD sixties feel.

[Revolte]

Shame that Coca-cola exists in a world unimagined but I like the imagery here - has a real LSD sixties feel.

But it doesn't the effects of capitalism (and it's products) vanish when the eyes open.

[Delta40]

Good!

[deryk]

The first seven lines were fantastic, but the last couplet felt too much like an unnecessary explanation, like a reiteration of the title.