You Depart

[Delta40]

Tumultuous

The wind whistles madly
with no pleasure to spare
through rotting door frames,
tangling knots in my hair.

My novellas flap wildly
as each exit slams shut
to shower me with ash
from your stale cigar butts.

Stillness

[MystyrMystyry]

Interesting Delta, and unusual - sort of a hollow melody, an ode to wishful thinking rather than an actual occurrence

The first four lines seem to indicate the breakdown of a relationship, while the last four don't really have resolution or closure - just 'stillness' (perhaps it should be more on the lines of peace at last)

Actually I see a lot of potential in this - rather that just a quippy quicky it could be expanded to include the arguments and frustraton of being in one of those horrible unions that some seem to thrive on

Or it could be just about one bad argumentative night and the serenity of the following morning after the culprit has merely fled to work

Perhaps it's about the loneliness of the isolated writer plagued by haunted imaginings a'la The Shining?


I could go crazy reading things into this...

[firefangled]

Tumultuous

The wind whistles madly
with no pleasure to spare
through rotting door frames,
tangling knots in my hair.

My novellas flap wildly
as each exit slams shut
to shower me with ash
from your stale cigar butts.

Stillness

I like the way this is set up between Tumultuous and Stillness. Once I read it and then just looked at the words on the page, they were picture of what you describe.

This might be stronger even without the rhyme. The rhyme is diminished anyway by the strength in how the first and last lines are presented. This is a case where single word lines work, because of their context.

[Jerrybaldy]

You accuse me of subliminal sexuality whilst your novella's flap wildly? :P :D

[Delta40]

You accuse me of subliminal sexuality whilst your novella's flap wildly? :P :D

You inspire me! Read Heavy Love

[Jerrybaldy]

have ;)

[deryk]

Very abruptly picturesque. I can feel the details you didn't mention blowing past me, like someone's soul being vacuumed and bottled. Fwoosh! It's a neat effect that speaks for ability, I think.

[Haunted]

really like this, very different from your others.