Where The Heart Is

[Revolte]

Do you feel that fire in your chest?
That's the call of the wild
-the whistling of home.
Tears of the clouds preach showers,
but they don't cool that heart,
that desire,
that love.

Do you feel that fire?
Do you?
I do,
Let us feel together,
and burn clean the forests of gray.



****************
Just started writing again, the other poem I posted is the first I've done in, oh god, I don't know how long. So I might show my face around here more often (aside from making crappy jokes in general discussion).

[PrinceMyshkin]

I think I might have seen a bit of rustiness in this even without your footnote. Maybe because of the footnote, it reads more like someone excited to be working in poetry again rather than fired by the love of which you speak.

[Revolte]

I think I might have seen a bit of rustiness in this even without your footnote. Maybe because of the footnote, it reads more like someone excited to be working in poetry again rather than fired by the love of which you speak.

I wouldn't go as far as excited.

[IceM]

I agree with the first poster, the rustiness is evident. The end of the first stanza could be refined, primarily the last two lines. I know you tried to use anaphora; I don't think it went well there. Seemed a bit cliche.

The ending in general left me uneasy. It seemed like a cop-out. I do appreciate the idealism of your poem. Love can be captured in a plethora of ways, I just think after you shake the rust, you'll find better ways of voicing it.

Regards,
IceM

[Revolte]

I agree with the first poster, the rustiness is evident. The end of the first stanza could be refined, primarily the last two lines. I know you tried to use anaphora; I don't think it went well there. Seemed a bit cliche.

The ending in general left me uneasy. It seemed like a cop-out. I do appreciate the idealism of your poem. Love can be captured in a plethora of ways, I just think after you shake the rust, you'll find better ways of voicing it.

Regards,
IceM

A cop out?

I talk/think like that on a regular basis, not a cop out.

ayhowz lol I don't see the rustiness but, you two do, so thanks for pointing that out.

[deryk]

I didn't care for the last two lines of the first stanza. I do feel it though, as the poem insists, so I think you've accomplished something.