The Machines

[misterreplicant]

The lines on these machines,
resemble the lines of society,
connect us all,
create motion in this world.

Vast as we are,
we are controlled,
by these machines,
whom we all rely on.

Great as they sound,
they can fail.
They are not so different
than ourselves.

---

Quick free-verse poem..
If anyone knows any poetry tutorials online, I'd love so see them, I'd love to write more captivating poetry.
Thanks.

[deryk]

It's a good start but it feels a bit outline-ish. My reaction is that there aren't enough concrete sensations to sustain the very broad abstractions: Society, world, us, they...etc.
It also feels too declarative. At least too declarative to work optimally alongside the other issue I mentioned. It evokes a certain coldness, which is very appropriate for the subject. The best quality I felt was the juxtaposition of fatalism with familiarity. Not sure how much you were looking for a critique, but I hope that helps.