Zen Koan

[sundarramchand]

The evening sun in twilight,

Orangish hue of the wine / sake glass

Like her reddish hue

Flight of swan overhead

Tender images in the rich dark blood colored tea

Sacred incense burning

Candle spreading its glow / warmth

And suddenly it is the twilight of dawn and I awaken

[deryk]

Interesting experiment with colors and time. Almost too sweet for the taste. I haven't figured it out yet.

[sundarramchand]

Thanks. I have tried to put together images and concepts that i felt evoke a sense of serenity combined with a sense of sacredness / awe.

The poem should actually read a "Haiku" and not a "koan". I just recollected that a koan is essentially a puzzle / paradox that is supposed to lead to insight / enlightenment .

Sorry for the typo.

[sundarramchand]

The evening sun in twilight,

Setting in the wine / sake glass

Like her reddish hue

Flight of swan overhead

Tender images in the rich dark blood colored tea

Sacred incense burning

Candle spreading its glow / warmth

And suddenly it is dawn and I awaken

[sundarramchand]

I have edited the poem. "Orangish hue" seems redundant and i also felt "the twilight of dawn" was overdoing it a bit

[deryk]

I have edited the poem. "Orangish hue" seems redundant and i also felt "the twilight of dawn" was overdoing it a bit

I'd say to kill "And suddenly" as well to perfect it, but I wouldn't want to hurt your metrics. Good improvements.