Poet

[Jerrybaldy]

Let's face it
I will never drive a train,
play piano
in a smokey bar,
for there are no more
smokey bars
and I will never play piano.
I am not going to play a part
in an impossible romance
due to its fragility
not to mention
its impossibility.
People in general, piss me off,
so my philanthropic
aspitrations are just a bunch
of syllables.
I am a bloody good dad
but aren't we all
a gang of wombless
supermen?
I am a victorious
arm wrestler
an unpredictible and shameless
live for todayer.
I am enjoying myself
as I realise its later
than I think.
It's later than I think
and I realise
I am not enjoying myself.

[Buh4Bee]

Cheers to that!

[Jerrybaldy]

*Clink*

[MystyrMystyry]

A soul-searching gut-wrencher JB - I imagine written in the twilight of the spooky hours

It's just a suggestion, but maybe you need to add a new hobby for that time of night?

When I feel like that at 4 am I boot up a computer game and shoot a few nasties (metaphors all!) until I feel better (or at least until I've forgotten about feeling rotten)

[Delta40]

Lol. I'll just get a razor blade from the bathroom for a communal cutting session shall I? :devil:

[PrinceMyshkin]

These:



I am enjoying myself
as I realise its later
than I think.
It's later than I think
and I realise
I am not enjoying myself

are lines that are hard to get away from. And yet, Mr. Sour-puss, I think you did enjoy writing them. The whole of this has that appearance of artlessness that you have mastered.

[YesNo]

I don't want to spoil the moment, so I'll just say, "Nice job". Even if you can't drive that train.

[everyadventure]

A gang of wombless supermen :) Which of course makes me immediately imagine what Superman would look like if he DID have a womb...

[Haunted]

I am no more a poet
than you.

Well, that's not true, you trump me any day.


And this, I knew it all along!

I am a victorious
arm wrestler
an unpredictible and shameless
live for todayer.

[Delta40]

A gang of wombless supermen :) Which of course makes me immediately imagine what Superman would look like if he DID have a womb...

I thought you meant a superman dressed like a womble....

[deryk]

Let's face it
I will never drive a train,
play piano
in a smokey bar,
for there are no more
smokey bars
and I will never play piano.
I am not going to play a part
in an impossible romance
due to its fragility
not to mention
its impossibility.
People in general, piss me off,
so my philanthropic
aspitrations are just a bunch
of syllables.
I am a bloody good dad
but aren't we all
a gang of wombless
supermen?
I am a victorious
arm wrestler
an unpredictible and shameless
live for todayer.
I am enjoying myself
as I realise its later
than I think.
It's later than I think
and I realise
I am not enjoying myself.


This struck me as the heart of the poem. The rest feels more like explication. These lines are very nice. The images are entwined around the shape and timing of the poem in a way that makes them much more evocative. And they're good abstractions to begin with. Some nice occasions of form actually augmenting the words. The end of the poem comes off as premeditated somehow. I feel as though I see it coming. It's a good punch-line, but I'm not sure if it should feel like a punch line.

[Jerrybaldy]

MM. Thanks mate. I am only the writer. :)
Delta. pass the blade lets do it.
Prince. You are right I did.
YN. feel free always to spoil it.
Misadventure. :Like superwoman?
deryk . I agree completely. I will now edit.