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mÅdness
03-08-2011, 11:17 AM
Tonight this city speaks
Even now as the night peaks

As if to mock the sight of day
The city’s lights are on display

Poisonous fumes fill the air
It’s becoming quite hard to bear

The constant stumbling of a drunk
Wanting only to be in his bunk

Underneath the saloon’s drape
Contemplating tonight’s escape

He leaves the safety of his seat
But rebellious, are his feet

For, the street’s corner is where he lies
Overcome by the city’s cries

Fleeing from this unbearable sound
He crawls along the dirty ground

Slowly reaching the building wall
Trying so hard not to fall

But atlas! The lights are spinning
The alcohol will soon be winning

Grasping his knees
He succumbs to disease

Eyes, watering up
Like an infant, he throws up

Not even God would contest
That this city gives no rest

Not to the weak nor the weary
Most, find this place quite eerie

Helped to his feet by stubbornness alone
The man begins trudging without even a moan

Destitute, broken, and constantly abusing
The city doesn’t mind; it finds it amusing

A man Helplessly wavering,
For this city, the moments worth savoring

He’s drunk and fumbling, it’s the middle of night
Without any will left, he concludes the fight

Unwilling, unable, to take anymore
His body collapses upon the pavement floor

He’s attempting fetal position
Crying and pleading, as if in submission

The man is closing his eyes
Thus confirming his own demise

The city’s response is loud and coarse
For the billboard above, reads “no remorse”

deryk
03-09-2011, 07:13 PM
I love the pace, and the urgency, and the way the poem reads. But I can't make my mind up about the rhyme scheme. In a way it feels like it adds to the desperation of the reading, but it also feels rather forced. You may want to consider toning it back a bit, and I think it will feel just as urgent, without feeling rushed or forced. The last line made me laugh. Thanks for sharing.