The sound of silence

[Biggus]

When we first started dating
I had no expectation of forever
I was content with the immediate
And enjoyed each moment with her
All the mundane chatter
And flirtatious wordplay
Leading to the longing looks
And the sentimental words of love
Back then time evaporated,
Hours seeming to pass in seconds
And in all those moments
Precluding our life together
The one thing we never had was silence

But that was then and this is now
And now the silence deafens me
No more chatter
Words are used miserly
As if endowed with great value
And not to be wasted
On flirtation or sentiment
Words, when used, now bite
With venomous spite
Moments now last an eternity
Clocks that once seemed to race through time
Run now in slow motion
Her contemptuous looks wither me
Longing now for my extinction

[everyadventure]

Wow. I was not expecting this one from Biggus, writer of love! You did a great job contrasting the differences that have developed in this relationship over time. "Miserly" was a fantastic word choice!

[Biggus]

Thank you very much for not being miserly with your praise.

Paul

[tailor STATELY]

Enjoyed very much.

I've oft thought to express your theme in writing... And still may if my muse sees fit to guide me so. The inspiration for this thought of mine first came from a quotation by the English writer Beverley Nichols: "Marriage - a book of which the first chapter is written in poetry and the remaining chapters in prose."

Now I have further inspiration to spur me on !

Best regards,
tailor STATELY

[Skia]

What a lovely poem,
a relationship told throughout enriched words.

[MorpheusSandman]

I like the start but I'm less enthused about the second stanza. I think your problem is that the contrast theme becomes very apparent and I think it's fraught with too many cliches like "and now the silence deafens me". I think what this piece needs is a move away from matter-of-fact statement and towards something symbolic and imagistic. Line 1 of Stanza 2, for instance, is unnecessary since you can imply the change of time merely through the change in stanza and the contrasting of images or themes. I think the most potent moment in the second stanza is the bit about words having a venomous bite, but I think it could work even better as a more developed metaphor.

[Biggus]

Thanks Tailor

[Biggus]

Thanks Skia you are very kind

[Biggus]

Thanks Sandman