Ambition

[brizig000]

Ambition
Every now and then during the summer months my parents would drop off us kids in South Jersey to spend time with our grandmother. I had no friends. There were no hills to ride my skateboard down or adventurefull woods to explore. I was getting bored.
In the hot air filled living room, I was baking in a desert like solitude, dreaming about a fading mirage of my home town, Hopatcong. My grandmother said during a comercial break from One Life to Live, "Steven. Go to the store and ask the cashier at York Convenience if they have a bottle of ambition for you."
"Whats it for?" I asked.
"It's a medicine. You need it. It will give you umph." She smirked.
Why didn't I known all along about this stuff that would make me happy? I really did not want to ask for it. I would feel abashed. "Can you call ahead to see if they have any?"
"Here's a few dollars Steven. Just ask. I know them over there. It will be alright. Get yourself a bag full of candy too. Okay hon?"
"Okay." I said as she handed me three ones. I checked my forehead with the back of my hand to see if I was warm from a fever.
On the way over there, the plan I thought of, was to pick out the candy I wanted first. Then, ask the clerk for the ambition and bolt out of there before he notices the ambition is for me and feels bad about my condition but, as soon as I walked in, I bumped into a counter and looked up at a towering man. "What can I get for you young man?" Henry asked. In a bit of confussion and with an exhaling defeated sigh, I asked for the ambition first instead.
My eyes followed the odd paterned shades of curvy wood grains. For a perplexed instance I pictured my grandmother as I left the house as she chearingly waves, smiles and says, "Goodbye Steven. Goodbye." Over to the paneled walls, up high to the medicine bottle filled shelves, and down into the candy filled cuby holes, I searched blindly, waiting for a time that seemed forever: for him to stop laughing.
"You can't buy that here. "Henry said but, patience and the adversity in my demeaner gave him a hint to oblige my request."What's it for? Who makes it?" He asks curiously.
"I think it's a medicine packaged in a bottle." I said, as Henry curiously searched to see why I had this indication of resignation for a cut, bruise, blood shot eyes, or runny nose. Henry desided best that he should call my grandmother to see what was going on. "Hello Dawn, this is Henry at York Convenience."
"Is a little boy over there trying to buy ambition?"
"Yes."
"Tell him to get his goodies bag full of candy and come home."
"Okay."
When I got home I told my grandmom that he had no ambition to sell. She explained,"Steven,Steven,Steven. What are we going to do with you. Ambition is your drive to complete a goal. I just wanted you to do something with youself for awhile."
"You mean it's not real?"
"No. I'm sorry now go eat your candy in the living room."
I poured out the contents on the coffee table. Placing the pieces in queue from which ones I wanted to eat first. After talying the count, I opened the bubble gum and read the comics first. Next, I opened the Life Savers, found my favorite color, and smiled.

[Rem]

I liked the concept - the idea of buying ambition at the store was clever, but I felt that the story never quite found its footing. I was imagining a life lesson learned at the store or a clever compact worked out between Granmda and the shop keeper, but at the end it seemed as though all Steven had learned was that if he was lazy he'd get candy.

I did like the idea of the story, and I hope to see some more of your work.

[brizig000]

My grandmother did that to me. So I did not come up withthe story either. Am I good for anything? I don't know yet. One day I will be able to write a fantastic story. I feel it will take a long long time though. Thanks for the input.

[Delta40]

you know what they say; practice makes perfect. This is a good concept for a story. Be aware of words that don't sit right. For example

I really did not want to ask for it. I would feel abashed.

Abashed is not a word you would expect a kid to use and secondly, most adults would use either ashamed or embarrassed.

I find if I am not careful, the tense changes in my writing. You are writing in the past and change over to the present when:

"What's it for? Who makes it?" He asks curiously.

keep writing. You will develop a flow through doing so! :hurray:

[everyadventure]

Yep, this could be a good little story... but right now it's more of a Reader's Digest joke. Try filling it out with a few more details. And just because it STARTED as a true story, doesn't mean it has to end that way. Frankly, I expected the shopkeeper to hand the boy a broom and start training him in ambition, ala Mr. Miagi from Karate Kid ;) See where the story takes you...