Morning delivery

[Biggus]

The sun slips beyond the horizon
As a letter slips into an envelope
Where it will stay until the dawn
When the envelope reopens
Spilling its contents into the sky
Brightening the world
Lifting the heart with its delivery
Like a missive from a loved one

[everyadventure]

Not a metaphor I've heard before, very original!

[Cunninglinguist]

Simple. Brilliant.

[Biggus]

Thank you both very much

[the facade]

For some strange reason I found that metaphor very disturbing. But that's what poetry is about so good job! :)

[_Shannon_]

I have to be honest, I didn't really find the simile worked all that well. It might be that at night it "slips" and in the morning it "spills". So I am left wondering if that envelope got damaged in the post or what happened there....

Reading it without "like" in there both times it appears, I like it much better. But I am sure that has do to far more with my personal poetry tastes. <3

[YesNo]

I enjoyed this. Very nice.

[Biggus]

Thanks Everyone

[Cunninglinguist]

I have to be honest, I didn't really find the simile worked all that well. It might be that at night it "slips" and in the morning it "spills". So I am left wondering if that envelope got damaged in the post or what happened there....

Reading it without "like" in there both times it appears, I like it much better. But I am sure that has do to far more with my personal poetry tastes. <3

Yes, I quite agree. Removing the "like"s gives the comparison much more subtly

[Biggus]

Good point well made, thank you

[_Shannon_]

I still like it better without "as" in the second line and without "like" in the final line.

The sun slips beyond the horizon
A letter slips into an envelope
Where it will stay until the dawn
When the envelope reopens
Spilling its contents into the sky
Brightening the world
Lifting the heart with its delivery
A missive from a loved one

[signelect]

Good morning everyone:banana:

[Biggus]

The sun slips beyond the horizon
A letter slips into an envelope
Where it will stay until the dawn
When the envelope reopens
Spilling its contents into the sky
Brightening the world
Lifting the heart with its delivery
A missive from a loved one

I'm not sure it makes sense

"a letter slipping into an envelope"
that works ok
but the last line seems at odds.

[Biggus]

Good Morning Signelect
Though its late afternoon here.

[_Shannon_]

I'm not sure it makes sense

"a letter slipping into an envelope"
that works ok
but the last line seems at odds.
Yeah--it would need a little grammatical and repetitive word work....