Econ 101 for a Cute Hippy Girl

[StickyNebula]

I made a cute hippy girl cry today. It took me about a week to Mind-**** her, it all led up to this moment. I destroyed two of the most important things to her as Don swiftly point out; Love and her view of the environment. Long story short, we were debating recycling and I am telling her how it uses more energy and costs more to recycle (except for aluminum) and that I am going to do whatever is most convenient. She told me that people that "truly believe" will ultimately make headway. So after she gives me this heart touching story, I then slowly get very close to her in the most gentle manner possible, I whisper into her ear just loudly enough for the others to hear, "your slowly starting to change my mind" I then move to around her cheek then I position my face in front of hers and press my lips against hers and begin furiously making out with her.

After a hardcore and what she thought was a passionate kiss, I rip away from her and say in front of her and everyone else "Nevermind, you couldn't change my ****ing mind!" (Horror and surprise overcomes her face, in a 360 view everyone was shocked and fell silent)

This was emotionally convenient for you now wasn't it?!?! You have a boyfriend so you must not "Truly believe in "love"" just as you don't truly believe in the "Environment". I repeated, this was emotionally convenient for you!... Just as throwing materials away is convenient for the rational agent so is your lack of love and rationale for the environment. I then walked away with her shattered in tears.

[everyadventure]

Quite the little fantasy... keep dreaming, buddy...

[YesNo]

When you use "I" and claim this is a story, I am left with two choices: (1) this is a confessional story about you or (2) this is a character you have created that is not supposed to represent you. Most readers will assume (1) and that is what I will do as well.

I did not find the abusive behavior of the "I" character entertaining.

[Rem]

Have to agree with YesNo.

If this actually happened, you should never repeat it again and perhaps consider your motivations for such an act.

If not, this character cannot be given any empathy by the reader as he has no redeeming qualities. Seems a rather troll-ish post, to be honest.

[hillwalker]

We're probably not meant to judge the behaviour of characters as they appear in 'stories' - whether they are based on fact or imagination. But the voice of the narrator you have used here who appears to take such delight in abusing a young woman is hardly going to endear you with most readers above the age of 11. Any redeeming factors you may possess as a writer will be lost by the puerile behaviour of your 'hero' (and I use that term advisedly).

H

[Mutatis-Mutandis]

That was a horrible (in the sense of story-telling ability, not content, though that is bad, too) little piece.

[Jack of Hearts]

Mr. Nebula,

What you have here is an outline of a story. For it to have any real weight, it needs fleshing out. For instance, when the protagonist leans into whisper into her ear, one cannot imagine why such intimacy is implied; it's completely out of left field.

Take that general idea one step further and you arrive at a major problem with this piece. What is it about this "I" that makes he or she want to attack this hippy chick's values? Too much of the emphasis is on dehumanizing one of the characters. The wise man knows you cannot project negative feelings onto another person before first feeling them within yourself- two way street. The affectation of the "I" is what is lacking.





J

[cyberbob]

This was kind of confusing, but otherwise: LOL.

[StickyNebula]

Thanks for the feedback. I am not sure how many of you are familiar with the trendy environmentalist that are primarily into it for attention from others as opposed to the real reasons. But this is one of those cases of an extremist position in order to prove a point.

I should of added more background information, like how I took her out to dinner at vegan restaurants, gave her plenty of books to read, helped find a couple sponsors for one of her friends environmental projects, and many other immoral things.

[Mutatis-Mutandis]

Thanks for the feedback. I am not sure how many of you are familiar with the trendy environmentalist that are primarily into it for attention from others as opposed to the real reasons. But this is one of those cases of an extremist position in order to prove a point.

I should of added more background information, like how I took her out to dinner at vegan restaurants, gave her plenty of books to read, helped find a couple sponsors for one of her friends environmental projects, and many other immoral things.

This just makes your main character (or, if this is a true story, you) even more deplorable. If that's what you're going for, good job.

[Bluehound]

It is hard to care about what happens to or what is done by, a thoroughly nasty character.They are the ones who tend to cop it first in a slasher movie (and everybody cheers).
It is easy to care about and be interested in a well rounded , interesting character that does bad things, think Carrie or Dexter.

[bortleman]

I agree with jack. There could have been much more development done to highlight the finer points of the story. You did a great job of creating a villain. I do feel mildly sorry for this woman, but if you want your characters actions to appear justified, then you have to show the readers why. Otherwise its just a story of self satisfaction in an oponionated argument. Not that I'm against self gratification, but you will have a hard time getting your audience on your 'side'.

[Delta40]

I don't think shock value (being an a**hole for the sake of it) is going to make for a well-rounded story. The readers need some balance, plot, understanding and even empathy for characters to keep them coming back. If you're just deplorable, then who wants to read it on a continued basis?

[bortleman]

Um I would continue to read about a villain. I think its another side to humanity, I'm not saying I would likethr character, but it would be interesting to me. Who says we have to have a hero as the main character? If he is an a$$hole then we aren't supposed to like him anyways. Yeah it may make it hard for the reader to identify with him, but he is a bad guy. However, I agree with delta that there is nit enough plot for the story to warrant much more attention from readers, regardless of the main characters actions.

[MystyrMystyry]

It's not about the protagonist is a nasty piece of work - it's that he's a dick's head. There's no argument about being right or wrong, no anything about anything - just here's some Krap, discuss

Well I have disgusted it - An antihero has to have charm, not just the mentality of a prep boy doing something to see how the others will respond

And you don't even bother to put yourself in their shoes to explore how they respond - if this happened at the school I went to, you would have been flung to the ground and had your head kicked in - properly

[bortleman]

Judging by everyones negative reactions I'm going to assume you got the desired response.

No anit heros do not have to have charm. That is a personal preference. They aren't heros, you aren't supposed to like them. Any true villain is not liked. At all. Remember the word 'true' from two sentences ago. The only vice that charm has for a villain is that it will keep some of your audience sticking around because they think there is something redeeming in him.

[StickyNebula]

I appreciate all the feedback. I entirely agree much more background information is needed in this story. {edit}
Does anyone else like writing about the extremes?

[MystyrMystyry]

Judging by everyones negative reactions I'm going to assume you got the desired response.

No anit heros do not have to have charm. That is a personal preference. They aren't heros, you aren't supposed to like them. Any true villain is not liked. At all. Remember the word 'true' from two sentences ago. The only vice that charm has for a villain is that it will keep some of your audience sticking around because they think there is something redeeming in him.

Antiheroes must have some identifiable human quality - charm - otherwise they're monsters, aliens, worms, slugs, mildew, insects, arachnids or frogs

This snippet of story is sci fi

[Delta40]

I have identifiable human qualities and thus avoid so-called bad people, who should be in prisons and slaving in the pepper-mines where they belong


I'm always reminded of bad people as being Nazis. Yet so many of them were loving, gentle family oriented folk just following orders. It is the humaness of evil that makes it more frightening than any monster or alien. Furthermore, people genuinely want to understand why a so called villain or other ticks the way they do. That means there is a search for human qualities which put their existence into meaningful context.

[bortleman]

Hey Delta,
Did I ever tell you I loved your perspectives? Because I do!

[Mutatis-Mutandis]

I have identifiable human qualities and thus avoid so-called bad people, who should be in prisons and slaving in the pepper-mines where they belong

He says certain "bad people" don't have identifiable human qualities, not that they aren't human. Big difference. And it would be silly to take his "they're monsters, aliens, worms, slugs, mildew, insects, arachnids or frog" comment literally.

And, I did miss his "Antiheroes must have some identifiable human quality - charm" comment, though I agree with it (though I don't think an anti-hero needs charm, just something redeemable).


So what?

I guess nothing's technically wrong with a cruel main character. I just find it makes an unpleasant story to read. If you enjoy reading about a sadistic main character, more power to you.

[Scheherazade]

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