Falling in Love - Again

[Hawkman]

There she goes,
the woman who commands your heart
and, I’m glad to say,
she walks in beauty by the light of day.
Such elegance and so refined
her voice is syrup for the mind.

But why write poems about love?
Before you know it
she will shove
and you will fall away like chaff
upon the breeze,
and in some dismal caf
or greasy spoon,
you will sit and moon
your private grief away.
Then drops of savoury flavour
will dilute your tea
as you think of she
who broke your heart.

Look around and you will see
at every table
some unhappy soul
who weeps into his cornflakes,
as with leaden eyes
they gaze at visions
of what could have been their lives.
And as you do the crossword
in a paper two days old and stained
with rings from mugs
more durable than you,
with misted sight
you watch the running ink
splurge and fade,
unlike your misery, which stays.

Well, I warned you, but you paid no heed.
I can feel your drumming pulse,
the gushing hormones, as you gulp
at the swaying of those hips
and taste the promise on those lips
that just left yours.
Maybe we’ll just let it run its course...

Now where did I leave my pen?

[PrinceMyshkin]

One of your funniest, surely, and/or most animated these lines in particular



And as you do the crossword
in a paper two days old and stained
with rings from mugs
more durable than you,
with misted sight
you watch the running ink
splurge and fade,
unlike your misery, which stays.

are masterful!

[Bar22do]

Funny and masterful it is, and so easy for me to read for once!! I usually dig into the riches of your vocabulary, play of words and sweat, but here, it's plain and clear. Just, why this self-fulfilling prophecy!!!

Before you know it
she will shove
and you will fall away like chaff
upon the breeze,

Don't you have pity, oh poet? Why does N program himself/herself for failure? It reminds me of a friend of mine who practically threw her girlfriend into her own husband's arms for fear he'd fall for that friend...

oh, unreformed (-able?) Bird, unlike any predator!

Best of all, Bar

[Delta40]

I'm so glad this was not a soppy love poem! I especially like the details, the crossword with coffee rings. The dismal caf with greasy spoon. What a wonderful setting to lament lost loves!

[everyadventure]

This is a prime example of when rhyme actually WORKS in a poem. People say we're rhyme-haters! Not so... it just has to be done with skill and finesse.

Great job, Hawkman!

[hillwalker]

Very wistful - loved the couplet

with rings from mugs
more durable than you,

As cryptic as the crossword you were about to focus on.

H

[MystyrMystyry]

I like the manner in which you brazenly stole the title:

F. Hollander / S. Lerner

Failing in love again
Never wanted to
What am I to do?
Can't help it


And then effortlessly fashion and flesh out a scenario from the silly Silly Love Songs song by Sir Paul MacCartney (surely one of the most syrupy popsongs ever perpetrated) even referencing it at the beginning of the first three stanzas, but especially the second:

You'd think the world would have had enough of silly love songs

And you've turned it on its head with:

But why write poems about love?

Genius!

And then you gave the final stanza a particularly ascerbic, Lennonesque twist not present in the original

Well I warned you but you paid no heed

Though sort of:

Love doesn't come in a minute/Sometimes it doesn't come at all

Clearly there's a deeper depth to it than that, like 'Better to have loved and lost than never to have lost at all' style of thing

And then there's the fade out which rather than repeatedly ask 'How can I tell you about my loved one?' you skillfully manage to:

I can feel your drumming pulse,
the gushing hormones, as you gulp
at the swaying of those hips
and taste the promise on those lips
that just left yours

tell us all about her!


Keep up the good work!



:banana: :banana:

[Hawkman]

Prince, Hi and thanks for the endorsement :D Glad you liked that bit, I was rather proud of it. hill seems to like it too! It was fun to write.

Sweet Bar, glad you found it both to your taste and not too irksome a read :D Sadly this poem might be a bit of a portrait of someone I know, no names, no patrial, but definately not me - lol. Pity, well not really, You are right to observe I am an unreconstructed Hawk and consequently not averse to scavenging, and picking over the carcases of dead love affairs to feed my appetite to write :devil:

Delta, Hi and thanks. Seems this one is right up your street, so to speak. Glad you enjoyed it :)

ea, Et tu, happy to amuse you with my tricksy wit :D and very glad you enjoyed it so much.

hill, hi and thank you too, you and prince seem to have focused on the same bit. Hope you enjoyed the rest as much :D

MM. Well you definately seem to have enjoyed it, although I'm not a devotee of Fab Macca's songs, except perhaps, "Live and Let Die" :D You definately picked up on the title but you missed one intertextual reference :) Byron's, She walks in beauty like the night, which I twisted to, "She walks in beauty by the light of day". I'm particularly gratified that you found so much to enjoy.

Thank you all again for reading and commenting

Live and be Well - H

[paperleaves]

What Prince said. ^_^
That is by far my favorite line in this masterpiece! Thanks for sharing.

Love
paper

[Hawkman]

Thanks Paper, glad you enjoyed it.

Live and be well - H

[AuntShecky]

Guess what yours fooly loves? Irony.
Guess what this poem has in abundance.

Favorite lines among many gems:
in a paper two days old and stained
with rings from mugs
more durable than you

Now where did I leave my pen?
As a previous comment suggested , the first thing I thought of upon reading your piece was this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HaZDiKRT1is

[Hawkman]

Thanks Auntie, glad you enjoyed it :D Thanks for the link. Die Blau Engle is one of many classics in my film library. Incidentally, the German cut is slightly different from the English version.

Via con Dios - H

[_Shannon_]

Love it! Especially that she does NOT walk in beauty like the night!

[Hawkman]

Thanks Shannon, I agree, far better to be beautiful in the sun :D

Live and be well, H

[blank|verse]

Apart from Byron, (and The La's 'There She Goes'!) this one reminded me a bit of Philip Larkin, particularly the closing line of 'A Study of Reading Habits'. There is something of his cynicism in this as well, and self-questioning in that brilliant opening to the second stanza (perhaps Auden as well).

But maybe a tightening of style and greater economy like both those authors have would benefit this poem also! :) b|v

[Hawkman]

Thanks b/v, and I am a fan of Larkin :D But tighten the style? Greater economy? Egad Sir! Then I wouldn't be me! lol

Live long and prosper! H

[firefangled]

Sorry I'm late in seeing this. I would say S2 steals the show, but then there are amazing lines in S3.

Just the other day my wife remarked why so many poems seem sad. It's so often the wellspring, I said. When we're happy we want to sing and be romantic. When we're sad, we want to sing, be romantic and write poetry.

I'm not fully sure why, but the old song Love Is Strange by Mickey and Sylvia comes into my head when I read this.

[Haunted]

Too many wonderful lines to list here, it'll amount to half the poem.

That left me wondering, how many men actually cry?

[Hawkman]

Thanks, ff. Glad you enjoyed it. Personally though, when I'm happy I'm quite willing to write poetry, and I think it's possible to be romantic whether happy or sad. The question is though, do happy poems have less validity than sad ones? :D

Live and be well - H

[Hawkman]

Too many wonderful lines to list here, it'll amount to half the poem.

That left me wondering, how many men actually cry?

That would depend who's looking, I suspect :devil:

And what's wrong with the other half? :D :D :D

Live and be well - H

[Haunted]

That would depend who's looking, I suspect :devil:

And what's wrong with the other half? :D :D :D



Nothing. The other half is always right :smilielol5:

[Jerrybaldy]

Bloody hell Hawk. as commenter #22 I better just say I loved it.