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zoolane
02-20-2011, 05:33 PM
Revisit version of ‘Facebook’.

Weeping noise came from the girls’ toilets but someone is tried their hard to be quiet. Sarah hearing the bell goes. She knows she has maths next. She steps out of block,head of the main building. On the way she blush long red hair and tied up in ponytail. Smart herself up. Wish that day would hurry and end. All she need to doing was talking friend. In math, Sarah was busy pay attention to Mr Jones, when she felt jerk and snapping sound. The girls behind starting giggle. Near her right foot was something red, with this she pushes back her fringe and run her hand over her ponytail. It dawn on her that chuck is missing from the hair. Hold back the tears from them so not give them the glory of it.

The day has come to end final sigh of relief from Sarah. She arrives home to nanny again, so seem reasonable to Sarah that junk is on the menu. Her parents wondered why she has weight problem. Sarah slopes of to her room, quick possible. Sarah put chair against the handle of her door. Sarah strips of to her underwear; stand to front of full length mirror and starting to punch her in stomach. While she doing this to herself she repeats the words ‘you’re fat beach whale’. After while she stops and put on bandage round her thigh to stop bleed.

She stare that perfect radiant pink bedroom, really all Sarah want is her mum spent some time with her. Why have child when you busy travel around the world? Sarah log on to Face Book, within minutes a chat box pop up on the screen its Alice. Sarah re tell the incident that school and her hazel eyes starting watery. Alice suggests “they meet next the day at Vickie Park near fountain, at one pm”. Sarah jumps at chance to meet her. It mid night went Sarah going to sleep.

Sitting on the bench, with her new hair blow in spring air. The trees whisper amongst their self. Sarah is twenty miles away from her home. Ping noise came from her pocket. The text is from Alice message “I am sorry that I won’t be able to come to meet to but I am sent my brother Neil”. Sarah starting to feel nervous, and is thinking about going home. A boy is approach her, his wear black jeans, plain yellow t-shirt, black baseball cap and Nike trainers.

“You must Sarah, I am Neil” he spoke with wary expression. Ache Mountains on his face.
Sarah shyness smile with “yes”.
“The sky is getting dark, we should be leave now. Alice will wonder where we are” Neil voice had sort commanding tone. Just then Sarah felt drop of water on her cheek.

zoolane
02-20-2011, 05:54 PM
Neil starting to gentle chat about music remembers that Sarah sent private message to Alice via Facebook. Finally they came to down run houses estate ones, where are houses with steel grid up at windows. Now she is twenty five away from home. Neil let her in to narrow dark hall and point to the front room. Thud come from were Neil is stand, Sarah glance round and see seventies wallpaper and carpet. She starting feel uneasy about the visiting Alice.

“Where is Alice? Neil” Sarah voice sounds bit anxious.
Neil sits himself on the chair with strange look upon hes face. Gentle place his cap on the desk.
“Well thing is that Alice does not really existence, it is me all long. Now clever I am” he smirks.

Sometime later, Sarah is sitting on the sofa with him eat chips. The BBC news is on. Similar voice is on the television, Sarah notice that it is her parents ask for her come home. Neil is choke with laugh now and spite out words “Now you have final got your parents attention”.

hillwalker
02-21-2011, 06:52 AM
Great story - could probably be fleshed out slightly (the jump to 'Weeks later' is rather sudden). But the description of Sarah's low self-esteem is exactly right.

H