As the Winter Wind

[PrinceMyshkin]

Listen to the life
of the person
asleep in bed next to you
as the winter wind
prowls the periphery of your home.

None of us is safe.
None of us has been exempted.
The law is merciless.
It has been designed that way.

[Hawkman]

Really like this one PM.

[everyadventure]

Have you been hanging out with Zoolane? Eerie and grim. What a way to start my Sunday...

[AuntShecky]

First strophe -- compressed and says exactly what it wants to say. (Yesterday the winds round my neck o' the woods not only "prowled" they howled, roared, and pounded everything in their path relentlessly.)

Second strophe expresses powerlessness. That's an appropriate response to heavy wind specifically and the weather in general, hence Mr. Clemens's observation "Nobody can do anything about it." Don't know if weather is etched in "law," though -- seems more or less random atmospheric occurrences, if you ask me. In other words, maybe God has bigger things to think about that a cold front rushing in.

[hillwalker]

Chilling, like the cold wind of mortality breathing against the back of the neck.

H

[the facade]

I love the air of this poem but I was put off by the last two lines:
"The law is merciless/It has been designed that way"
I would like to have seen the law resounding through the chill of the wind. I like the word choice of "design" which brings ominous associations to me, but the line sounds rather dull.

Take care

[PrinceMyshkin]

Many thanks Hawkman, Everyadventure, AuntS, Hillwalker and the Facade

[Delta40]

First I thought of the sanctuary of marriage under threat and then death! I don't know which is more frightening really. The wind as some predator on wellbeing and happiness is a very effective way of putting fear into one's life though.

[Bar22do]

Listen to the life
of the person
asleep in bed next to you
as the winter wind
prowls the periphery of your home.

None of us is safe.
None of us has been exempted.
The law is merciless.
It has been designed that way.


There is a contrast between the first soft and caring atmosphere of the first and the cold statements of the second stanza. I'd rather read instead sth like

"You are neither safe, nor exempt,
the law is merciless, but for now
your breath lulls me to sleep and
I hear the promise of the morning."

but that of course wouldn't be you...! :)

Best to you Bar

[Jerrybaldy]

It is always safe to side with Hill, but I did actually think of mortality reading this and in such esteemed company I am sticking with it .

[qimissung]

Your poems usually have a little more hope mixed in with them, but, it's true: safety is an illusion.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Thank you Delta, JerryB (on of Hill), Qim and


There is a contrast between the first soft and caring atmosphere of the first and the cold statements of the second stanza. I'd rather read instead sth like

"You are neither safe, nor exempt,
the law is merciless, but for now
your breath lulls me to sleep and
I hear the promise of the morning."

but that of course wouldn't be you...! :)

Best to you Bar

Yes, that might be a nicer, more hopeful poem but not the one I set out to write.

[Haunted]

Worse than your own mortality is the impending death of the person you love. You convey so expertly the sentiments without giving in to sentimentality.

[paperleaves]

Wow, Prince, so haunting and sobering. I enjoyed it very much. A poet has a lot to learn from you, I am always astonished at your ability to convey such a profound message in a short, concise manner.

thank you!
love
Kate

[_Shannon_]

Gah! Just kill me why don't ya'? The power of words used well, just astounds me. I want to say that I love this, but it kicked my ***. Well done!

[blank|verse]

Well, the second stanza certainly doesn't win any awards for subtlety, but the means of expression is apt; those short sentences carry great weight.

I read it as being about the 'law' of nature, as suggested by the 'prowling' wind in the first stanza (but I too think the wind is more threatening when it's not 'prowling', but actually shaking tiles off the roof).

But that this law has been 'designed' tells us the narrator believes in some form of controlling deity, and clearly one bent on revenge. The imperative first stanza implores us to seek redemption in the lives of others. Quite an unsettling poem.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Well, the second stanza certainly doesn't win any awards for subtlety, but the means of expression is apt; those short sentences carry great weight.

I read it as being about the 'law' of nature, as suggested by the 'prowling' wind in the first stanza (but I too think the wind is more threatening when it's not 'prowling', but actually shaking tiles off the roof).

But that this law has been 'designed' tells us the narrator believes in some form of controlling deity, and clearly one bent on revenge. The imperative first stanza implores us to seek redemption in the lives of others. Quite an unsettling poem.

The lack of subtlety in the 2nd stanza is a propos as my intent was to follow the persona from a relatively philosophical observation (and tribute to his lover) in the first stanza to his more panicky experience of reality once the concept of the winter wind has been introduced.

As for my use of "designed" and the inference you drew of some theological intent, perish the thought, but even the most atheistic/agnostic of us will always be tempted to see "design" or teleological direction in even the most material concept of existence.

[firefangled]

Listen to the life
of the person
asleep in bed next to you
as the winter wind
prowls the periphery of your home.

None of us is safe.
None of us has been exempted.
The law is merciless.
It has been designed that way.


I like the implicit comparison of the breathing "of the person" to the wind at "the periphery of your home." For me this sets up an internal vs an external life force, each a physical presence, each with its own "cause." I am reminded of a line from ee cummings poem if i love You: "what clouds do or Silently Flowers resembles beauty less than our breathing."

The "prowls" image works for me. It does not seem necessarily self-directed or otherwise directed, but rather something spontaneous arising out of other spontaneous occurrences. It is not unlike the breathing of "the person next to you." Breathing that arises from autonomic stimuli within the body.

I think "winter" wind makes the reader assume that is why it is threatening and why "None of us is safe." This transition line is the weakest part of the poem, because it makes us assume that is the threat.

The larger possible strophe would be that both we and the wind are threatened by the ceasing of a chain of events so vast that the implicit observer in the poem cannot separate spontineity from design. This is the most merciless "law," the law of ultimate incomprehensibility. From this nothing is safe.