Nathan Kelevra
02-18-2011, 06:05 PM
This is another one of those thoughts you don't want to ever have.
And if you're thinking this thought... at this very moment you are probably in bad shape.
**I imagine the scenario would play out as such**
Hey there! I happen to be walking by and I saw this!
What's that? Call 911, I will geez. I mean you do have the time.
I don't see a lot of people walking around with their thoracic cavity open. Do you?
Trust me, it's your thoracic cavity. No, You're think of your abdomen.
Hey, you don't need to apologize I get them confused too.
Let see if I can help you out. Now,think back to what you were doing
before you and this huge splinter became husband and wife.
What's that? You're not married. Well I guess that good to know.
Did you running a red light? Which is bad... unless you can make it.
Oh, you did make it. Good for you.
Did you fall asleep? It happens.
What's that? You don't remember falling asleep. I guess you wouldn't.
Were you battling a friends who was in the process of turning into a werewolf
and as you were trying to get him to a safe house before the change over you crashed?
Because that is perfectly acceptable.
Whoa! Whoa! There is no need for such language I'm just trying to help.
Did you see a UFO circling above and that caught your attention?
No. That's too bad I hear they have amazing medical coverage.
Did you courageous avoid a mother and young child that were in the street?
What's that? You didn't see any people in the walkway.
Let me double check underneath the car...
You know what that not worry about that just yet.
Wow! I just noticed at how nice this car is... or it used to be.
Is it foreign or domestic? What's that? I'm offended!! Of course it matters.
Your taking this whole impalement thing well.
What's that? You can't itch your nose? I got it.
If you look on the bright side at least you still have nose.
That's something, right?
Hey now! There no need for that. I'm just trying to help.
Yes! Yes for the last time I called 911. This is Baker Street Right?
It's Not. Dang, that is embarrassing, just a second I have make a quick call.
Ok, I'm back anything change? No?
I know this isn't the best of times but do mind if I hop into the passengers side?
I can! That's great. Oh my! These chair are insanely comfortable its like your sitting in the laps of angels.
I have to say the interior has that heavenly smell of cookies and babies.
What's that? No, I didn't see where the cookies went. Sorry.
You need to speak up I can barely hear you, what's that again?
You want to know what kind of wood that is flowing threw you blood stream?
If I had to guessing it would be Oak.
Hey! Would you look at this there are marking on it.
Would you like me to read it to you? Alright here it goes.
It says, just a second let me get my glasses, it says..
"if you can see these marking you have official impelled yourself onto our product.
That will be $5,0000 dollars."
No, you're right. That isn't fun. It's informative, but not funny.
Well it's a little funny. I guess it depends on your perspective.
What's that? I can't hear you.
Oh. You can see your liver. I'm not going to lie that's probably not good.
What's that? You've named you liver "Fredrick".
Well, Ok, it wouldn't have been my first choice.
You need to speak up. I can barely hear you.
What's that? Your liver "Fredrick" is now responding to voice commands?
I'll be honest. I'm afraid where you're going with this.
Do me a favor and don't tell it to do any tricks. Like play dead.
Now, if you can get it roll over and shake hands that would be impressive
What's that? Yes I hear it too. It's the ambulance there on the way.
Oh, one last thing. I didn't want you to freak out before but...
it now seems that your car has decided that now would be the best time to become a bonfire.
What's that? No, I don't have S'mores.
But I like where your heads is at and the fact that's still on.
What was that? No. No. You'll be fine.
Some duck tape and superglue and you'll be good as ever.
Well, anyway I got to go. It was nice meeting you.
The Moral of story:
Don't text and drive and if you can see your liver... that's pretty bad.
And if you're thinking this thought... at this very moment you are probably in bad shape.
**I imagine the scenario would play out as such**
Hey there! I happen to be walking by and I saw this!
What's that? Call 911, I will geez. I mean you do have the time.
I don't see a lot of people walking around with their thoracic cavity open. Do you?
Trust me, it's your thoracic cavity. No, You're think of your abdomen.
Hey, you don't need to apologize I get them confused too.
Let see if I can help you out. Now,think back to what you were doing
before you and this huge splinter became husband and wife.
What's that? You're not married. Well I guess that good to know.
Did you running a red light? Which is bad... unless you can make it.
Oh, you did make it. Good for you.
Did you fall asleep? It happens.
What's that? You don't remember falling asleep. I guess you wouldn't.
Were you battling a friends who was in the process of turning into a werewolf
and as you were trying to get him to a safe house before the change over you crashed?
Because that is perfectly acceptable.
Whoa! Whoa! There is no need for such language I'm just trying to help.
Did you see a UFO circling above and that caught your attention?
No. That's too bad I hear they have amazing medical coverage.
Did you courageous avoid a mother and young child that were in the street?
What's that? You didn't see any people in the walkway.
Let me double check underneath the car...
You know what that not worry about that just yet.
Wow! I just noticed at how nice this car is... or it used to be.
Is it foreign or domestic? What's that? I'm offended!! Of course it matters.
Your taking this whole impalement thing well.
What's that? You can't itch your nose? I got it.
If you look on the bright side at least you still have nose.
That's something, right?
Hey now! There no need for that. I'm just trying to help.
Yes! Yes for the last time I called 911. This is Baker Street Right?
It's Not. Dang, that is embarrassing, just a second I have make a quick call.
Ok, I'm back anything change? No?
I know this isn't the best of times but do mind if I hop into the passengers side?
I can! That's great. Oh my! These chair are insanely comfortable its like your sitting in the laps of angels.
I have to say the interior has that heavenly smell of cookies and babies.
What's that? No, I didn't see where the cookies went. Sorry.
You need to speak up I can barely hear you, what's that again?
You want to know what kind of wood that is flowing threw you blood stream?
If I had to guessing it would be Oak.
Hey! Would you look at this there are marking on it.
Would you like me to read it to you? Alright here it goes.
It says, just a second let me get my glasses, it says..
"if you can see these marking you have official impelled yourself onto our product.
That will be $5,0000 dollars."
No, you're right. That isn't fun. It's informative, but not funny.
Well it's a little funny. I guess it depends on your perspective.
What's that? I can't hear you.
Oh. You can see your liver. I'm not going to lie that's probably not good.
What's that? You've named you liver "Fredrick".
Well, Ok, it wouldn't have been my first choice.
You need to speak up. I can barely hear you.
What's that? Your liver "Fredrick" is now responding to voice commands?
I'll be honest. I'm afraid where you're going with this.
Do me a favor and don't tell it to do any tricks. Like play dead.
Now, if you can get it roll over and shake hands that would be impressive
What's that? Yes I hear it too. It's the ambulance there on the way.
Oh, one last thing. I didn't want you to freak out before but...
it now seems that your car has decided that now would be the best time to become a bonfire.
What's that? No, I don't have S'mores.
But I like where your heads is at and the fact that's still on.
What was that? No. No. You'll be fine.
Some duck tape and superglue and you'll be good as ever.
Well, anyway I got to go. It was nice meeting you.
The Moral of story:
Don't text and drive and if you can see your liver... that's pretty bad.