You--My Sister

[Jassy Melson]

I see you much clearer than you think,
you with five offspring
and not yet twenty-three years of age.
Your frail physical form
evokes feelings of sharp pain
within my equally weak soul.
I weep for you, my sister, as I weep for me.

You left our wounded household
at so tender an age--still a woman-child;
I remember you then with a sad smile,
torn between two worlds.

And now, my sister, what of today?
Are you still searching
for that house on the golden hill,
or have you found home?

How strange that we have never
said "I love you"
when looking toward each other.
Perhaps we've never really seen.
Anyway, these words are for you,
you of the ill body
and unknown mind.

[Hawkman]

I think this an outstanding poem and very well realised. The only thing I would quibble at is the reiteration of "my sister" in S3. We already know you are talking about your sister so why tell us again? "And now, what of today?" is quite sufficient.

Anyway, good poem, thanks for posting - H

[yuka]

a moving piece,
a vivid image
and delicate wording.
I love it.

[Jassy Melson]

Thank you for reading it and for commenting

[everyadventure]

This was beautiful and tender, it actually brought tears to my eyes. I hope you'll send it to her, as you convey a great deal of love and concern...
My father, a writer, never shared his work with me... until he wrote me a poem upon my graduation. It meant more to me than any other gift I've ever received.

[PrinceMyshkin]

The only thing I would quibble at is the reiteration of "my sister" in S3. We already know you are talking about your sister so why tell us again? "And now, what of today?" is quite sufficient.


I'd like to enter a dissent with that. Anticipating the point he will make soon after - that they've never said "I love you" when facing each other - every iteration of "my sister" is like all of those I love yous he never got to speak.

[everyadventure]

You know what, I have to ask-- do you even HAVE a sister? I'm thinking of the "young man" poem you posted, and how you NAILED the voice in it, and I'm thinking maybe I made the same mistake once again!

In any case, it's powerful and entirely believable!

[Delta40]

I am skeptical of the good intention written here purely because of my own pompous assed big brother!

[Jassy Melson]

I had an older sister who had a "frail physical form." She died of cancer at age fifty-eight. I loved her very much. There wasn't a pompous bone in her body. I appreciate everyone reading this and commenting on it. Even if you disagree or find things about the poem you think do not quite fit, I'm glad you read it. This poem was a testament to someone I cared deeply about.

[everyadventure]

I'm so glad to hear it, Jassy, it's a wonderful tribute.

[Bar22do]

For me, your poem (and its emotional charge) is overwhelming... your sister must have been an angel mistakingly fallen into here to share life's hardships (sounds as if you're from a place where women don't enjoy much freedom of choice, or do I err?...). Your simplicity and straightforwardness are touching, as is your art. A marvelous tribute to your sister.
Best of all,
Bar

[Jassy Melson]

You're right, Bar22. My sister got married at age 17 mainly to escape her home-life, which was pretty bad. But she entered into a life that was as bad if not worse. I believe my sister still lives--in my heart. That's all I can say.

[qimissung]

These are the words that touch my heart:

"How strange that we have never
said "I love you"
when looking toward each other."

It's a lovely tribute.

[YesNo]

Very nice poem. I liked the "unknown mind" at the end and the description of her leaving home at a young age. Since my children are at that age right now, I can imagine them in her place.

[Jassy Melson]

Thank you very much for reading it and for commenting.