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View Full Version : The Mini skirt Chronicles and Other Reports of Sarah Normal Face


paperastronaut
02-17-2011, 07:15 PM
This was posted prematurely, I'm going to give it some though and time to grow..
everyadventure
02-17-2011, 09:43 PM
Oh my. My oh my! You certainly painted a vivid picture! I'm not sure where you're going with this, but I'm immensely curious. Your voice in this piece reminds me a bit of Lemony Snickett of A Series of Unfortunate Events fame.
paperastronaut
02-18-2011, 02:09 AM
This was posted prematurely, I'm going to give it some though and time to grow..
everyadventure
02-18-2011, 12:01 PM
That first paragraph is awesome! It gives a lot of background to the story, without us feeling like you, the author, is TELLING it.

"I looked at my violin with a anxious and worried expression, thinking, have we been spending to much time together?" This funny line is in keeping with your previous chapter and keeps the tone from becoming TOO dark and self-reflective. Nice.

This is coming together very well, I can't wait to read what you post next!