Goodbye Poem

[everyadventure]

I don't care for your purple shirt, or for soccer.
The only things you keep in the fridge are tomatoes and
that wedge of decrepit cheese.
You crack your knuckles!
You have a housekeeper!
And I happen to know you pee in the shower.

It doesn't matter that you are the only man I know
who can get away with wearing a red scarf.
Why should I care that you keep my painting framed on your desk,
or that you occasionally look beneath the glass
to see the words I inscribed there?
It's entirely irrelevant that you know who I was, and see who I am.
I don't even remember how you said,
"You will always be this to me."

I cannot live on tomatoes and cheese.

[PrinceMyshkin]

If this were any more spontaneous sounding I'd still be sensing your breath in my ear!

[blank|verse]

I'm going out tomorrow to buy a purple shirt and red scarf!

Good stuff, ea, this is an enjoyable poem full of your characteristically well-observed details.

I have some sympathy for the poor bloke who seems to have been judged not on the fact that he actually loves the narrator, but that he doesn't have enough money to fill the fridge. One is led to conclude the narrator values material goods above love.

Oh, and it's football... :)

[YesNo]

I have some sympathy for the poor bloke who seems to have been judged not on the fact that he actually loves the narrator, but that he doesn't have enough money to fill the fridge. One is led to conclude the narrator values material goods above love.

Yeah, I like the poor bloke as well.

[Delta40]

lol. it reminds me of a woman who was granted a divorce because she couldn't eat another mouthful of venison. Her husband refused to take her to the store and he hunted all the food.

So tomatoes and cheese could free you perhaps!

[everyadventure]

I have some sympathy for the poor bloke who seems to have been judged not on the fact that he actually loves the narrator, but that he doesn't have enough money to fill the fridge. One is led to conclude the narrator values material goods above love.

Interesting that's how everyone interpreted it. It was more a conversation the speaker was having with herself, trying to convince herself that she does not care about this man... but the only negative things she can think of are insignificant, like him cracking his knuckles.

But I guess if I have to explain that, I didn't do a very good job conveying it!


Oh, and it's football... :) Yeah, I could go with that :)

[dyne7]

evoking images. very unusual ones, but the imagery is the soul of this poem.

[Bar22do]

Wow, I love this one, it's original and well penned! and I feel for both, the guy and N... excellent writing, ea! Bar

[yuka]

all is love's fault

it reminds me of some of old beautiful time.

thank you.

[YesNo]

Interesting that's how everyone interpreted it. It was more a conversation the speaker was having with herself, trying to convince herself that she does not care about this man... but the only negative things she can think of are insignificant, like him cracking his knuckles.

But I guess if I have to explain that, I didn't do a very good job conveying it!


You might want to add to the poem that you are not actually saying these things out loud to your boyfriend or husband. Many readers perceive such language as verbal abuse.

While I'm looking at this, I am puzzled why you write in the first person anyway. It makes the poem too confessional and doesn't allow you the opportunity to explore the characters in depth since you must associate yourself with that "I" character. I almost never use "I" in any story or poem I write unless it is humorous or very clearly the words of a character with a name.

[echo75]

Sounds like someone needs couples therapy or is this a form of therapy?