My Stone Valentine

[Dark Muse]

My Stone Valentine

I rend my still
beating heart
from this
my living breast.

For your cold marble
chest, my blood
stains sanguine
against your alabaster.

And I will carve
a cavity in your
unforgiving stone
where my bleeding heart
may rest.

To press my ear
against that lifeless
form and hear the subtle
sounds beat a rhythm.

May life begin
to seep through your
pores and subtly
a glow of warmth will flow.

A softer hue of your
expressionless face
but alas my life
slips away from me.

This sacrifice
I make to give you
my gift while the
light fades from my eyes
I impeach you to carry
my heart well.

[the facade]

Hey Dark Muse,

I enjoyed your poem and the dark theme.
I love the line break in the first line - still/breathing gives a nice contrast.
"cold marble" - cold seems a tad redundant.
"the subtle sounds beat a rhythm" - I would suggest switching "rhythm" here, it seems a bit too expected.
"May life begin /to seep through your/ pores and subtly /a glow of warmth will flow." -Really enjoyed that stanza.
"but alas my life/ slips away from me." this seems to break something for me and the language feels a little plain in contrast.

Good job and great imagery!

[hillwalker]

A fine poem - particularly the final couplet begging that your sacrifice not be wasted.

Some great lines here.

H

[Dark Muse]

Thank you!

[qimissung]

Yes, I like the third stanza best, and the last two lines are great. Well done, dark one!

[Dark Muse]

Thank you!

[MystyrMystyry]

Brilliant!

[Bar22do]

Dark and beautiful, made me think of Blake... Best to you, Bar

[paperleaves]

So deep, so dark, so cold is the place your imagery suggests, but so full of life, in a sense--the stanza "I rend my still/beating heart /from this/my living breast" is SO beautiful, and gives a sense of life inside of the portrayed lifelessness...just how do you DO it, dm?

Kudos to you :)
love
paper