Things Fall Apart

[hack]

Falling Apart

Even, as gold becomes base,
love gives up its sentient breath
and takes down, bit by slivered bit,
its sheltering moon.

[Delta40]

I'm thinking as the value/quality of the relationship sinks, love gives up and deteriorates before our eyes. I feel like a lot of thought went into those few lines and I read them several times (I so often miss subtleties in poetry)

[Mutatis-Mutandis]

Good poem, but I'm wondering if there is any connection to Achebe's novel or Yeats's "The Second Coming"? With that title, people will be looking for one. I couldn't find it.

[hillwalker]

With that title, people will be looking for one. I couldn't find it.

Not necessarily so. It's a poem about love losing its lustre - moonlight replaced by the cold light of day - the way I read it.

H

[Mutatis-Mutandis]

If you name a poem after a very popular book that is itself named after a line from a popular poem, I think anyone who is familiar with those works are going to have them in the back of their mind.

And, maybe this poem does have a connection. Just because I can't see it doesn't mean it isn't there. But, if there was no intended connection by the author, the title may only act as a distraction (as, titles can play very large riles in poetry, especially for shorter poems).

[hack]

The title is no accident. It is borrowed, as is Achebe's. He borrowed it from Yeats. I borrowed it from The Talking Heads. In their song Wild Wild Life they sing, "things fall apart, it's scientific". If the title causes the reader to chase dead ends, I make no apology. Indeed it is scientific, (even as it pertains to love), entropy rules.

[qimissung]

Still, good to know. You don't have to apologize, Hack, but it was a valid question-and yours is a beautiful poem.

[Mutatis-Mutandis]

The title is no accident. It is borrowed, as is Achebe's. He borrowed it from Yeats. I borrowed it from The Talking Heads. In their song Wild Wild Life they sing, "things fall apart, it's scientific". If the title causes the reader to chase dead ends, I make no apology. Indeed it is scientific, (even as it pertains to love), entropy rules.

Okay. Just making sure you knew it would lead readers to dead ends, as I'm sure I won't be the only one.

[hack]

Thanks for the reads.

[Bar22do]

Oh hack! this is another perfection. Simply. Sad but perfect.

(btw hill, moon light to me is cold, day light warm... but I presume you allude to what happens to love in full day light...)

warmest regards, Bar

[Hawkman]

Hi hack, another gem with every facet polished to perfection, although one can't help but be saddened by its tone. But surely, where love still has breath the moon should be safe enough...

Via con Dios - H

[PrinceMyshkin]

If you were keeping a tally prior to offering this for publication, my vote would be strongly against retaining that title. "The Second Coming" is so powerful, so beautifully realized, that anyone who'd had contact with it is pretty well bound to look for parallels within your poem.

And your poem is too bloody good to be compared with anything but itself - again and again and again...

[blank|verse]

I too thought of the Achebe novel (although admittedly had forgotten the Yeats derivation).

Moreover, I'm not exactly sure what the argument of the poem is - that gold (the metal, or its metonym money) is inextricably linked with love, so when the former is devalued, the latter follows? Hmm, not sure about that.