Offering

[everyadventure]

"Come in," you say,
so I do.

I perch nervously on the edge of your mocha sectional
and you sit easily at the other end,
legs spread and hands clasped behind your head.

I'm shaking already.

With a half-smile, you hand me an indigo blanket
that was neatly folded and placed
(tenderly?) in a wicker basket.

I cocoon myself as you begin to talk,
but my mind wanders as I finger the fringe of this rag quilt
and wonder who made it for you?

What woman wanted to wrap you in her warmth?
I see her head (blonde, no doubt) bent over her sewing machine
as she works into the night, every stitch a testament of love.

You accepted this naked offering!
Folded it, placed it where it would always be near--
You're looking at me expectantly;
did you ask me something?
I'm trembling beneath the weight of her longing, but I know
I can sew even better than her...

[PrinceMyshkin]

So much depends upon the mocha sectional where the narrator received the indigo blanket that was neatly folded and placed in a wicker basket...

But did I really need to know that the blanket was placed "(tenderly?)" in the basket? I suppose I do since that it part of the sub-text of her enviouserotic thoughts about this man, furthered by the reference to that " woman [who] wanted to wrap you in her warmth?
I see her head..."

But I wanted to stop before I got to "(blonde, no doubt)" or to elide that because it brought this out of the delicacy of the erotic fantasy and cheapened it somewhat. That the narrator imagined his paramour as a blonde somehow cheapened her by cheapening him, inasmuch as he'd be your typical shallow male...

I thought there should be a blank line after


You accepted this naked offering!
Folded it, placed it where it would always be near--


And would you consider "even better" rather than "much better" in


I can sew much better than her...

Splendid drama throughout this!

[everyadventure]

@Prince: "even" works for me!
The "blonde" reference was meant to reveal more about the narrator than the man (you see some vulnerability, as she assumes she isn't as physically desirable as this other woman). But ultimately she believes she has more to offer than the mystery woman, and that she'll win out in the end...

[PrinceMyshkin]

@Prince: "even" works for me!
The "blonde" reference was meant to reveal more about the narrator than the man (you see some vulnerability, as she assumes she isn't as physically desirable as this other woman). But ultimately she believes she has more to offer than the mystery woman, and that she'll win out in the end...


Yes but what it reveals about the narrator (besides the perfectly human lack of adequate self-esteem pertinent to virtually every romantic situation) is a lot less sophisticated in her imagination than what we've seen elsewhere throughout this poem... which brings me to a point I ought to have seen and commented on re the final lines:


I'm trembling beneath the weight of her longing, but I know
I can sew even better than her...

where we have that brief moment of her empathy with what the other woman must have felt, dramatically brushed aside a moment later by her competitive conviction. It's the whole poem in a nutshell!

And apropos your self-administered course in Line-breaks 101, those lines could have been set up as:


I'm trembling beneath the weight of her longing,
but I know I can sew even better than her...

which would have been fine but pedestrian. How much better the way you did present them!

[hillwalker]

You do a great job of portraying the tension coursing through the narrator's veins throughout this assignation, her discomfort, self-esteem balanced on the edge of self-doubt, her jealousy that this man's mysterious woman means more to him than she ever can by virtue of the neatly folded memories he's so carefully preserved.

And that final couplet where she realises she can indeed raise her game - but can her sewing skills match this other woman's longing? I'm guessing she knows they can't.

H

[everyadventure]

@hill: it isn't about sewing ;)

[hillwalker]

I gathered that..... :-D I was keeping to the spirit of the metaphor.

H

[Delta40]

I think you highlight the moment of inadequacy, replaced so quickly by a drive to compete with the 'other woman' very well.

[echo75]

Infidelity is always a good topic.