Atonement

[_Shannon_]

Atonement

Whispered tones of solemn prayer reach into the heart
where I have lived and died every year with you.
The great saint says, "It is in giving that we receive."
so I have offered myself as a continual holocaust,
a burnt offering to appease the angry god of love.

Rising from the soot and ashes, I am still
just a flightless bird who is easy picking
to lay upon the sacred altar once again.

Far from the temple virgins I have been
kept by you as your whore waiting for
the time I should come back into favor.

My body,
my youth,
my love,
my desire,
my abandon,
my exuberance,
my laughter,
my faith,
my passion,
my very soul.

The great flowing ceremonial robes of sacrifice
where I have lived and died every year with you.
"It is the blood that makes atonement for the soul",
so we meet at the door of the tabernacle once again,
offering my decimation as expiation for my sin.

[PrinceMyshkin]

I feel as if I can practically see the blood-etched marks on your body where these lines were carved! It's a magnificent, terrifying poem, but...

what is the sin? Failing any clue that I may have overlooked I can only conjecture: can it be the sing of having loved the one addressed or having expected to have your love reciprocated? But insofar as we are receiving this in language (and therefore thinking) that partakes of the Judaeo-Christian dialogue, are we talking, perhaps, of uxorious love? that which some theologians say was Adam's sin in following Eve's misdemeanour...

[_Shannon_]

Well, I was viewing it as my personal fall..that of my "original" sin of this relationship, which just goes on and on....so both original sin and actual, so to speak. Our relationship started out all effed up (stupid swear filter), and that I stay is also pretty effed up....but there are those six other souls who matter more, and I keep hoping anew that THIS time the offering will be enough.

Does that make sense?

[PrinceMyshkin]

Well, I was viewing it as my personal fall..that of my "original" sin of this relationship, which just goes on and on....so both original sin and actual, so to speak. Our relationship started out all effed up (stupid swear filter), and that I stay is also pretty effed up....but there are those six other souls who matter more, and I keep hoping anew that THIS time the offering will be enough.

Does that make sense?

Not in the least! since in my books of theology/theosophy there is a pretty considerable gap between a mistake - even a very very stupid mistake (not to judge your situation, but to characterize how you seem to be characterizing it) and even the teeniest of sins!

There is a Red Sea somewhere in this vista, one that God parted - not briefly, but for all time!

[_Shannon_]

well--but I was married, and there is the whole carnal beginnings of our relationship--which though brief ended with our oldest son....

[PrinceMyshkin]

well--but I was married, and there is the whole carnal beginnings of our relationship--which though brief ended with our oldest son....

Clearly in your neck of the woods "carnal" has a different meaning than where I live; or are you telling us that other than your first born, the rest of your brood are the result of virgin births? Not even Mary managed that!

[hillwalker]

This strikes me as a very poignant tale of personal sacrifice - based on true events or not is probably irrelevant - some of the imagery is astounding.

As for the religious implications, Prince is a far widely-travelled man in these regions than me. But your standpoint seems to echo that guilt implicit in many faiths (Catholicism in particular) where any deviation from a life of restraint and tolerance is a sin.

Personally any mother who puts her own children's needs before her own has no need to seek atonement. But the person you are writing about here feels she does, and you describe her plight perfectly.

H

[_Shannon_]

Clearly in your neck of the woods "carnal" has a different meaning than where I live; or are you telling us that other than your first born, the rest of your brood are the result of virgin births? Not even Mary managed that!
LOL! Well they practically were.....

[_Shannon_]

This strikes me as a very poignant tale of personal sacrifice - based on true events or not is probably irrelevant - some of the imagery is astounding.

As for the religious implications, Prince is a far widely-travelled man in these regions than me. But your standpoint seems to echo that guilt implicit in many faiths (Catholicism in particular) where any deviation from a life of restraint and tolerance is a sin.

Personally any mother who puts her own children's needs before her own has no need to seek atonement. But the person you are writing about here feels she does, and you describe her plight perfectly.

H
Nabbed! Totally Catholic in my sensibilities.

It happens to be about me--but I think there is some universality there--a woman who gives up herself to stay with someone who she feels has ruined her- who gives herself again and again, but gets nothing back, but still goes on trying and trying again

[Delta40]

I was impressed by

so I have offered myself as a continual holocaust,
a burnt offering to appease the angry god of love.

The whole sacrifice and offering theme for an unhealthy love as if somehow it can be cleansed was skillfully written Shannon.

[the facade]

Hey Shannon,

I liked the poem except for "holocaust" which seemed to me very daring, but disagreeable.

[hillwalker]

I liked the poem except for "holocaust" which seemed to me very daring, but disagreeable.

In what way? The word means 'burnt offering'.

It has more recent connotations but that hardly makes the word 'untouchable' or out of bounds surely.

H

[_Shannon_]

Hey Shannon,

I liked the poem except for "holocaust" which seemed to me very daring, but disagreeable.

Why? Just the modern connotation? Biblically a holocaust is an offering which is consumed by fire, so I thought it fit with the general tone/word choice alright.

[_Shannon_]

I think I'm gonna change temple altar to sacred altar, to avoid the double use of temple.

[_Shannon_]

I was impressed by

so I have offered myself as a continual holocaust,
a burnt offering to appease the angry god of love.

The whole sacrifice and offering theme for an unhealthy love as if somehow it can be cleansed was skillfully written Shannon.

Thanks!

[the facade]

True, to me it has all the modern connotations (not merely the one taking place under the second world war). But certainly you are right and I reverse my comment :)