A Valentine’s Day Poem: re the pears

[PrinceMyshkin]

Mustn’t we have a one in whom to confide
that we overpaid for the pears
that we brought home
and so our heart is sore?

It isn’t much of a confession, is it, but it
is everything. “Those pears,
oh, those pears, darling,
how can I have been such a fool?”

And it isn’t, you know
(and I know you know
and it comforts me more than I can tell you
to know that) - but as I was saying,
it isn’t just those pears
but that this isn’t the first time I’ve been careless
or absent-minded or neglectful.

And I’m sorry, love.
I hope you know
how sorry I really am...

[everyadventure]

Reminiscent of William Carlos Williams' poem "This is Just to Say." The apologetic tone, but knowing, even as you say this, that you are already forgiven...

Fantastic stuff, very poignant.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Reminiscent of William Carlos Williams' poem "This is Just to Say." The apologetic tone, but knowing, even as you say this, that you are already forgiven...

Fantastic stuff, very poignant.

Oh, you do me too much honour! I happen to love that little, tossed-off refrigerator door note - and the many parodies it has provoked. Should one or the other of us introduce a thread in the "Poetry Games & Contests" forum, presenting the original and inviting parodies?

[AuntShecky]

Oh, I think this one will fit nicely into the canon of WCW parodies. Would you consider changing in the first line "a one" to "someone"?

Apart from the parody angle your piece also depicts a domestic scene, all too common lately with this horrible economy. There's an inherent problem with produce though: unlike dairy products and cereals, you can't get "store-brand" fruit!

[Haunted]

wow, so many wonderful layers to this poem. The pun is so sweet...so intimate of a "pair" that can talk about anything including the mundanity of buying pears and the sanctity of sharing secrets and confessing to each other. The language is tender and heartfelt. These "pears" have to be the best Valentine treats, beating out chocolates.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Thanks Aunt Shecky and Haunted. It's wonderful that each of you picked up on at least what I intended - and then some.

Aunt S., no, I don't think I'll change "a one" to someone as I wanted to emphasize the uniqueness of the one.

[Bar22do]

This poem is just fifty per cent you, or your new you? But well crafted as always your poems are!

A Happy Birthday to you! (just a breath in advance)

Best wishes of health and smile and the sweetest pair of pears!

Bar

ah, and my birthday present for you, Linda Pastan's: http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/pears/

[_Shannon_]

I also began to read and immediately thought of WCW. And that is in itself enough reason for me to love it.

[The Ol' Man]

I like a woman, and I like a pear. And so, I am disposed to thank you for posting. Make sure to be receptive to criticism.

[PrinceMyshkin]

I also began to read and immediately thought of WCW. And that is in itself enough reason for me to love it.


Oh, what a happy-making response! And now, how much of this


If I when my wife is sleeping
and the baby and Kathleen
are sleeping


can you recollect without Googling it?

[PrinceMyshkin]

I like a woman, and I like a pear. And so, I am disposed to thank you for posting. Make sure to be receptive to criticism.


Thank you for this somewhat curious response! But surely being braced to receive the promised criticism is rather worse than the criticism itself might be?

[_Shannon_]

Oh, what a happy-making response! And now, how much of this


If I when my wife is sleeping
and the baby and Kathleen
are sleeping


can you recollect without Googling it?
and the sun is a flame white disc in silken mists above (something) trees

[PrinceMyshkin]

and the sun is a flame white disc in silken mists above (something) trees

"above shining trees" but I had to look it up myself in my file of favourite poems. Now of course you've earned the right to look up the whole of it (which I suspect you did do) to come to that glorious, cosmic laugh followinng:"Who shall say..."

Who indeed would say that? I wouldn't. Would you?

[blank|verse]

A nicely observed poem Prince, and I thought the importance of 'pears' to the poem drew attention to one of its homophones, and the implied importance of 'pairs' to the narrator.

The style does evoke comparisons with WCW, and also, I thought, Wendy Cope's 'Flowers' (http://www.poetryarchive.org/poetryarchive/singlePoem.do?poemId=5679).

It does however mean that any poem not written very tightly is going to suffer in comparison. I found 'a one' (line 1) slightly awkward; the repetition of 'that' at the start of lines 2 and 3 similarly so (do you need line 3 at all?); the paratactic third stanza (And, and, and, but, but, or, or) too much, as well as all those 'know's - and I know it's deliberate, but I still felt there was one too many. The skill of WCW is to sound conversational, but to be poetic. However, I still enjoyed reading this despite the quibbles.

And thinking of WCW parodies reminds me of 'Just William' by Tom Mathews, in which he puts WCW's poems in the fridge, ending:

Forgive me.
They were so sweet.
But so cold.

[Bashayer]

nice poem i love it <3

[Delta40]

I missed the boat on seeing pears as pairs. I thought about what the pears might mean to the relationship - the tacit understanding and the apologetic manner, which is almost sarcastic to me but it is rather early here...

(Is this the longest poem I've read of yours?)

[qimissung]

For once I agree with BlankVerse, Prince. I did like it, but something about the tone of it bothered me. And yes, very like William Carlos Williams; his feels a little more casually tossed off. I like the idea of feeling already forgiven in an intimate relationship, but here the the narrator is almost too apologetic for having so little real feeling for the apology behind it.

You are a sensitive person. Maybe sleep with it a night or two and allow it to ripen just a bit to bring out the full spectrum of feeling.

Having said all that, Prince, it's good to see you back on the boards!

[qimissung]

Mustn’t we have a one in whom to confide
that we overpaid for the pears
that we brought home,
and so our heart is sore?

It isn’t much of a confession, is it?
“Those pears,
oh, those pears, darling..."
...but it is everything.

And it isn’t, you know
(and I know you know
and it comforts me more than I can tell you
that you know)

but as I was saying,
it isn’t just those pears,
and this isn’t the first time I’ve been careless,
or absent-minded, or neglectful.

And I’m sorry, love,
I hope you know
how sorry I am
about those foolish pears.


I think what's bothering me is the use of the word sore combined with the "careless or absent-minded or neglectful..." and then the word foolish at the end. Those are strong words and concepts that imply that perhaps something serious has happened, whereas Williams' poem is much more vague and casual, and you just don't get the impression that he is apologizing for much more than taking someone else's plums. He certainly might be a tad self-centered, but then, when it comes to cold delicious plums, aren't we all?

Well, those are my thoughts. I made some changes which I think keep the essential light-hearted nature of your poem that you were striving for and yet add a touch of self-effacing gravity where it's needed.

With my deepest regards,
q

[qimissung]

I edited the quote, fyi

[PrinceMyshkin]

Delta:

I missed the boat on seeing pears as pairs. I thought about what the pears might mean to the relationship - the tacit understanding and the apologetic manner, which is almost sarcastic to me but it is rather early here...

(Is this the longest poem I've read of yours?)

Well, there was the one I called “The Waste Land” but I posted it under a pseudonym. And that makes two of us who missed the boat on the homonym of pears, but was my subconscious attempting to help me out here?
*
Qimissung

For once I agree with BlankVerse, Prince. I did like it, but something about the tone of it bothered me. And yes, very like William Carlos Williams; his feels a little more casually tossed off. I like the idea of feeling already forgiven in an intimate relationship, but here the the narrator is almost too apologetic for having so little real feeling for the apology behind it.

I think what's bothering me is the use of the word sore combined with the "careless or absent-minded or neglectful..." and then the word foolish at the end. Those are strong words and concepts that imply that perhaps something serious has happened, whereas Williams' poem is much more vague and casual, and you just don't get the impression that he is apologizing for much more than taking someone else's plums. He certainly might be a tad self-centered, but then, when it comes to cold delicious plums, aren't we all?

Well, those are my thoughts. I made some changes which I think keep the essential light-hearted nature of your poem that you were striving for and yet add a touch of self-effacing gravity where it's needed.


I want to stick by the words that bothered you because most of them are meant to be heard in the protagonist’s voice and should illustrate how he feels free to exaggerate his feelings, knowing that his partner will reflexly discount them by 10 or20%
*
Bar

This poem is just fifty per cent you, or your new you? But well crafted as always your poems are!


Fascinating! I’d be most intrigued to learn how you distinguish one 50% from the other!
*
Blank|Verse

A nicely observed poem Prince, and I thought the importance of 'pears' to the poem drew attention to one of its homophones, and the implied importance of 'pairs' to the narrator.

The style does evoke comparisons with WCW, and also, I thought, Wendy Cope's 'Flowers'.

It does however mean that any poem not written very tightly is going to suffer in comparison. I found 'a one' (line 1) slightly awkward; the repetition of 'that' at the start of lines 2 and 3 similarly so (do you need line 3 at all?); the paratactic third stanza (And, and, and, but, but, or, or) too much, as well as all those 'know's - and I know it's deliberate, but I still felt there was one too many. The skill of WCW is to sound conversational, but to be poetic. However, I still enjoyed reading this despite the quibbles.

*
Your definition of WCW’s skill is an enjoyable illumination. Thanks. And thanks to for the link to the wonderful poem by Ms Cope.
*

Bashayer

nice poem i love it
*
Thanks to all of you...

[Hawkman]

Another poem I've neglected to coment on! What have I been doing?!

Well, home economics as a pretext for a love poem is certainly original! And such a subtle love poem in which the N confesses to the sins of omission with the shopping list, well almost. I particulalry like the fact that you did not automatically assume forgiveness on the part of the recipient of these lines - it is left open, as if in question, making the plea that much more poignant.

Nice one - H