The Englishman’s Lament

[Hawkman]

Oh to be a Yank and not repressed in any way
but sadly, born an Englishman, I just lounge about all day.
As a Yank I’d have no qualms, at killing I would thrill;
I’d say to blokes, “I love you man,” then hug and not feel ill.

But being born an Englishman I suffer from depression,
I’m not allowed to keep a gun but drink warm beer in session.
Insecure and diffident I wander through a world
which I know I should be ruling from a ship with sails unfurled.

The empire I was born to though has sadly had its day,
two world wars and terrorists have taken it away.
The only expertise I have (in history) is ignored,
its worth is undervalued when at odds with someone’s cause.

So I wallow in past glory with a supercilious air
and comment on ineptitude, in safety, from my chair.
Not for me rendition; out-sourced torture isn’t fair;
and I’m treated like a criminal when travelling by air.

Oh life was so much simpler when a gunboat solved all ills,
keeping opium flowing through those distant Chinese hills;
when maxim guns demolished hordes of Dervish armed with swords,
the entente cordiale ensured a whisper of, “D’accord…”

[Delta40]

lol. I like the tone of ye olde empyre....

don't be a Yank.... Poms still retain a stiff upper lip - somebody has to!

[hillwalker]

Yanks not repressed? Don't tell that to all those therapists and drug-peddlers who make their fortunes in the Land of the Free.

Very witty, Hawk. But didn't England give her empire away?

H

[Hawkman]

Hi Delta, I keep my stiff upper lip above my loose flabby chin - :D

hill, I believe they use all the therapists and drug dealers to suppress their natural exuberance - lol.

and the Empire may have been given away, but only under duress :devil:

Live long and prosper - H

[everyadventure]

Delightful!
"comment on ineptitude, in safety, from my chair" An armchair cynic! perfectly brilliant.

Oh, and we Yanks looong for repression, as evidenced by the fact that EVERYBODY has a therapist... we blame our parents for all our ills and make up lurid myths that "just came back to me!" Anything that will make our lives have more weight...

[PrinceMyshkin]

In short, your power was scattered
between Act I: To matter
and Act II: To have mattered

[Hawkman]

ea Presumably the therapists have each other ;)

Prince,

I know things ain't right for it's an undisputed fact,
somehow I seem to have got lost in the entracte.
As God is surely English he is bound to see my lack
and rectify the status quo and give the Empire back!

Live long and prosper - H

[Jerrybaldy]

to get into stereotypical mode I am surprised the yanks joined this thread so early, they normally wait until its nearly over :D

[Hawkman]

to get into stereotypical mode I am surprised the yanks joined this thread so early, they normally wait until its nearly over :D

Well, to be honest, US representation in this thread is fairly low key. It's not big enough to threaten their literary interests yet, so they've just sent an "advisor" to keep an eye on things - lol

[MANICHAEAN]

Like pre D-Day: Overpaid, Oversexed & Over Here?

[Hawkman]

That's no way to talk about a lady!

[Emil Miller]

That's no way to talk about a lady!

But at least she's an honest advisor, look at the location on her avatar.:biggrin5:

[MANICHAEAN]

I was referring to US soldiers pre D Day & would never refer to everyadventure as OP/OS though she would always be wecomed Over Here.
M

[AuntShecky]

Oh, no you don't want to be a Yank, what with their (our) weapons in the closets and kitschy ornaments on the lawns. (You certainly don't want to be a Yankee fan, either.)

I do, however, love most of the we have over on this side of the Atlantic -- despite the ugliness and squalor around urban areas and suburban "sprawl" we do have the majestic scenic beauty, especially here in my little corner of the Northeast. It's still possible to have reveries similar to that of Thoreau. I mean that sincerely.

Among Yanks themselves (ourselves) there's a certain gregariousness (limited though it may be at times, and certainly at sad points in our history),even though this is the very thing that made Henry James cringe. We have been known at times throughout the world for our generosity (also limited), and our newspapers and magazines (and to a much, much lesser extent late night talk shows display a typically American sense of humor (though gawdawmighty how dense we are when it comes to irony.)

On the other hand, we have a fascination with all things British though not at all the same as what made T. S. Eliot leave St. Louis and plant himself on John Bull's island. Americans are crazy about movies about the Tudors, Queen Victoria, "Upstairs Downstairs" and the recent one that's supposed to win all the awards, "The King's English."
You can't imagine how nuts some Americans (females mostly) will get when the young Prince takes his bride this coming summer.

Your poem is entertaining, and delightfully sprinkled with the aforementioned irony.

[Hawkman]

Thanks Auntie, for enjoying this little tongue in cheek reverie. Vive la differance! And honestly, why shouldn't every citizen have the right to own an arsenal of assault rifles, machine guns and field artillery? Handguns are little more than christmas cracker fillers really :D I have a wmv file of a Sunday afternoon in Alabama somewhere. I'll have to send it to you. It's a hoot!

I certainly can't argue with the magnificence and diversity of your scenery though.

Anyway, live and be well - H

[Bar22do]

We could discuss at length which is better, but Dervish armed with swords???? impossible! Dervishes peacefully whirl to the cosmic rhythms...

[Hawkman]

Sweet Bar, I refer to the Kalifa's uprising and the Battle of Omderman. See the film, "The Four Feathers." (1939) The Dervish were fierce warriors and famously the only ones capable of breaking a British Square!

LLAP H

[Bar22do]

Sweet Bar, I refer to the Kalifa's uprising and the Battle of Omderman. See the film, "The Four Feathers." (1939) The Dervish were fierce warriors and famously the only ones capable of breaking a British Square!

LLAP H
It was indeed how they were sometimes referred to (though they were mainly called Ansar), and they didn't manage to break the British, but they were not dervishes!

[Hawkman]

Ah, but I didn't say Dervishes, I wrote Dervish - as they were colloquailly known to the British soldiers :) - H

[inbetween]

nice peace of poetry, as delightful as a good cup of dargeeling ...

[qimissung]

Hilarious! :lol: You're pretty good at tongue-in-cheek. Just be careful with that humor over here, young man. We might think there's a varmint in the trash! :D

[Hawkman]

Inbetween, thanks, I'm glad you found the savour pleasing :D

qim, thanks, glad you enjoyed it. I feel I'm fairly safe over here though. However, I understand it can be hazardous to get lost and knock on a door in your neck of the woods. I remember an incident a few years ago when and English tourist did just that and the home owner shot him. He was apparently well within his rights to do so!

Live and be well - H

[qimissung]

Inbetween, thanks, I'm glad you found the savour pleasing :D

qim, thanks, glad you enjoyed it. I feel I'm fairly safe over here though. However, I understand it can be hazardous to get lost and knock on a door in your neck of the woods. I remember an incident a few years ago when and English tourist did just that and the home owner shot him. He was apparently well within his rights to do so!

Live and be well - H

It's true, unfortunately. It hasn't led to the chaos and fear you might expect, and ironically, "the people" (as opposed to moi, naturally) who insist on keeping guns in their homes, believe that it keeps them safer. But what about the rest of us?

[AuntShecky]

I'm "bumping" Hawkman's timely posting in order to add
this remarkable article on the same subject which appeared just this past Sunday:

http://www.nydailynews.com/opinions/2011/02/27/2011-02-27_your_bloody_british_fetish_a_proper_englishman_ tells_hollywood_to_ditch_its_uk_m.html