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Dark Muse
02-10-2011, 03:41 AM
Mind Maze

My feet trespass
within the labyrinth
wandering
among the hall
of doors.

Echoes
from the beyond
the wall of windows
gaze into the
netherworld.

Lost within
a spiral dream
winding down
twisting up
directionless.

Mirrors
reflecting
dancing shadows
freezing in tableau
of moving paintings.

Within the dark
the heart beats
a pulsing flame
at the center

never to be found
never to be reached

casting the soul
upon a silken screen
falling in endless folds
and I stand alone
in the proverbial
maze.

MystyrMystyry
02-10-2011, 05:17 AM
Perfect as always!

Dark Muse
02-10-2011, 05:20 AM
Thank you!

hillwalker
02-10-2011, 07:36 AM
I like the way you create the sense of being directionless.

My only quibble would be 'upon the labyrinth' when you are actually trespassing 'within' it or 'inside' it.
Also I feel the word 'proverbial' in the last two lines is unnecessary and actually weakens the entire effect.

But a joy to read and explore as always.

h

Delta40
02-10-2011, 09:36 AM
Once again you capture the mood of the poem and leave me turning slowly, pondering.

PrinceMyshkin
02-10-2011, 10:43 AM
There's an apparent tense shift between "trespassed" in v 1 & "gaze" in v 2. I couldn't get the logic of that and it cost me something in terms of my involvement in the poem so that afterwards, it seemed as if each new verse were a static restatement of the same emotional position.

everyadventure
02-10-2011, 11:20 AM
"from the beyond / the wall of windows"
This line confused me a little at first. I assume you meant something akin to the "great beyond," but it wanted to be read like "beyond the wall."

The rest of the poem was confusing in the way that you intended! I felt disoriented, so you achieved the desired effect :)