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paperastronaut
02-09-2011, 04:28 PM
The morning sun glared into the eyes of the couple as they walked towards their favorite coffee shop. The young man's mind wandered to the night before, the two had had an argument over whether or not a mutual friend was being too friendly. The girl listened to their footsteps as she pattered and he stomped towards the cafe'. She though the boy had a clumsy way of walking...

Through the cafe's door and up to the counter, there was a line. Ten minutes until class started, it was going to be close. A professor ordered a vanilla latte' and a muffin. The boy thought about how long this semester was going to be, his econ prof had a reputation for being tough. The girl stood pretending to be focused on the chalk board menu above the counter, her mind wandered to previous days; the chalk looked as permanent as her feelings felt.

Through the door walked the third friend, he waved hello and said good morning, the girl turned to ask him about the class homework that was due today. He said he thought it was pretty easy and asked if the girl needed help. the other boy's neck turned red and he thought about grabbing the "mutual friend" and introducing him to a steaming hot latte' to the face... he wouldn’t do that in real life but it was a good thought...

Finally it was time to order, the boy awkwardly tapped the girl's arm and motioned to the counter... he was attempting to buy back his manhood and position... the girl said that she had cash and stepped towards the counter.

The boy could tell that he was losing the girl... she was standing above him as he was overcome by beasts seen only by immortals and himself.

As the boy stepped up to the counter he felt the ground below his big toes crumble away as the knife of fear and loneliness gently caressed the back of his neck.

In that moment he knew he had to make a move, all future hope was now balanced on this moment... the situation called for a dangerous and advanced piece of action on his part.

The heat was unbearable now, fingers of steam rose from the abyss reaching for the boys feet, but in that moment his eyes flashed with determination and he knew what he had to do... time slowed, his heart was flooded with the passion and vengeful art of past heroes...

The people surrounding him gasped and their eyes widened with amazement when they heard his strong voice say...

"I’ll have a triple shot Grande Americano please"

The barista looked up from the register, and with wonder in her voice asked how much cream he would like...

"No cream thank you" said alexander the great.

The mortals gasped…

then with the cup of coffee in one hand and a cup of glowing ambrosia in the other Han Solo walked away; out of the cafe' with Aphrodite gladly following him out the door. The sound Louis Armstrong singing "what a wonderful world" drowned out the voice of the mutually forgotten friend as he ordered his mocha with extra whipped cream...

hillwalker
02-09-2011, 06:06 PM
This was quite amusing - much better once I realised the super-hero asides were for humorous effect rather than an intentionally clumsy way of describing the 'young man' and his feelings.

H

everyadventure
02-09-2011, 06:10 PM
I was worried when I came across the line "he was overcome by beasts seen only by immortals and himself," thinking that this was terribly overdone for this simple scene. But then as I neared the end I realized with relief that it was tongue-in-cheek, and "got" the reference.

I love the twist at the end :)

paperastronaut
02-10-2011, 12:31 PM
i'm glad you both enjoyed it!

i work in a coffee shop on my campus and the perspective i have on my customers is super interesting, i see them when they're frazzled, tired, giving in to temptation, and then momentarily satisfied and happy... finals week is like something out of russian novel!

MANICHAEAN
02-10-2011, 12:46 PM
Good. Never get tired about being the watcher, (the scene, the players & the emotions). Thats what writing is all about. Then put the observations of your watching through your own unique criteria. Well done.
M.

paperastronaut
02-11-2011, 03:46 AM
i'll do my best ;)