A Tiny Ode

[Alexander III]

The poet is by himself, in a field
Of sun crisped corn, and moon mellowed wine;
The horizon is tenderly peeled,
Like a lemon - till the sky and tree line
Are confused in color! Infant dreams were you mine...

The poet-boy lounges like a cherub,
On his bed of thoughts discarded like worn-out toys.
A fort of flowers and books, and a shrub
Perfume the air with a pungent sneeze and noise -

The lingering scent is thrown at the clouds
Ruining their arrogant smirk and poise!

[hillwalker]

Elegant - but also quite confusing in the range of similes and metaphors you have employed here.

It is as if you are implying that everything has to be like something else -

but the clash between a field of sun-crisped corn and moon-mellowed wine was diffficult to envisage. I'm assuming you are referring to the colours - but the corn is not a metaphor since corn grows in fields - so where does the wine come in?

Then we have a fort of flowers and books - presumably the flowers (and shrubs that appear later) are outside his bedroom whereas his books are inside.

So parts of this are too muddled for the reader to focus on the concept of the world seen through a poet's eyes.
I aslo felt the five words closing verse 1 were merely inserted to maintain the rhyme - they are meaningless and ungrammatical. And you repeat the same trick at the poem's conclusion.

But then you write lines like

The poet-boy lounges like a cherub,
On his bed of thoughts discarded like worn-out toys.

that are original and insightful.

Perhaps it needs some readjustment to eliminate some of the blurring of sense. But overall this was enjoyable.

H

[PrinceMyshkin]

I do agree with Hill about the embarras de richesse and also about the splendour of many of the images and the general movement in this.

[Alexander III]

"for the reader to focus on the concept of the world seen through a poet's eyes"

"eliminate some of the blurring of sense"


But to achieve the former the latter must be achieved