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MANICHAEAN
02-08-2011, 03:58 AM
SEX.

If love makes the world go round, then sex by definition is an integral component in this planetary manoeuvre.

There are to my knowledge many types of sex i.e.: straight sex, gay sex, kinky sex, under-age sex, over-age sex, sex on the beach ( or is that a rum based cocktail?), computer sex, oral sex, rough sex, bondage sex, domination sex and self gratification, (Does the final one qualify?)

Sex is good for the skin, induces regular bowel movements, is non fattening, environmentally friendly and if executed well, induces sleep patterns compatible to resting with the angels at the very gates of heaven.

If good sex could be harnessed in an effective manner, it would: reduce the US deficit, stop regional wars, effect calm in the squares of Cairo and keep Hugh Hefner going for another millennium.

One of the most interesting aspects of sex is the initial chase, (sometimes more fulfilling than the act itself). I am reliably informed that this is termed “foreplay.” It is fascinating and is employed by both sexes, ranging from a side ways glance from suffused lowered eyelashes, (presumably by the female, although there are occasions when it’s sometimes difficult to discern these days), to “Want to come in for a coffee, my husbands on a business trip?”

Then there are the wide ranging effusions of passion, discernment and the purported felicity of lust. Two of my favorites, which I must confess I have as yet not used, are:

1. The line from Casablanca by Bogart “Is that the sound of guns I hear, or is it my heart beating?” If I had been born just a tad earlier, I might have been able to employ it during the London Blitz on a female air raid warden located sensuously adjacent to an ack ack gun emplacement.

2. Female with heaving cleavage: “Oh Sir I don’t know how I’m ever going to repay you for your kindness.” Response: “Don’t worry your pretty little head. We’ll think of something!’ Needless to say, I pray regularly to Divine Providence for this to occur. Who knows, perhaps a miracle will occur!

M.

hillwalker
02-08-2011, 06:37 AM
Very amusing - especially the 'Want to come in for coffee...' line.

The kind of sermon a bishop might give after an encounter with an actress.

H

MatthewFarlow
02-08-2011, 10:26 PM
My comment pertains to number two: :drool5:

MANICHAEAN
02-08-2011, 11:50 PM
Dear Hill

The bishop reference rang a bell in my memory. I'd forgotten safe sex & abstinence (which I presume is pretty much of a muchness). But then you imply a different sacerdotal type in whose circles you are perhaps more comfortable?

Matthew
Stop dribbling and go get a good mouth wash!

Regards
M.

Jack of Hearts
02-09-2011, 03:39 AM
Ha!




J

hillwalker
02-09-2011, 06:59 AM
The bishop reference rang a bell in my memory. I'd forgotten safe sex & abstinence (which I presume is pretty much of a muchness). But then you imply a different sacerdotal type in whose circles you are perhaps more comfortable?
.

No!!!!!

I was actually alluding to that old chestnut - someone quotes a line with a rather risque double-meaning - such as "Would you like to plump up these cushions?" - followed by "as the actress said to the bishop."

H

Emil Miller
02-09-2011, 07:20 AM
I was amused to see sex on the beach listed among the varieties given.
I was in Shanghai a while back and went with a friend to a bar in the centre of town. She passed me the drinks list and asked me what I wanted, and I replied sex on the beach. Unfortunately, there isn't a beach in Shanghai so I had to settle for a rum based cocktail.

XQZ
02-09-2011, 11:08 AM
It made me recall our last summer holiday in Majorca, when me and she who must be obeyed were drinking with our neighbors. Well, when they suggested we should all go skinnydipping we were all for it, but unfortunately we forgot to bring our bathers and couldn't go

Mutatis-Mutandis
02-09-2011, 11:58 AM
There are to my knowledge many types of sex i.e.: straight sex, gay sex, kinky sex, under-age sex, over-age sex, sex on the beach ( or is that a rum based cocktail?), computer sex, oral sex, rough sex, bondage sex, domination sex and self gratification, (Does the final one qualify?)


I think you forgot a few. . . .

MANICHAEAN
02-09-2011, 11:01 PM
Dear Mutatis-Mutandi
It comes from having led a sheltered life.

Jack, H, XQZ
Thanks.

Brian
You could have opted for a Harvey Wall Banger.

Regards
M.

LongBlade
02-09-2011, 11:13 PM
My comment pertains to number two: :drool5:

Hahahaha! I know, that's what people feels like after hearing about "SEX". :svengo:

Mutatis-Mutandis
02-09-2011, 11:21 PM
Dear Mutatis-Mutandi
It comes from having led a sheltered life.


You have the whole internet at your fingertips to remedy that :lol:.