Fists.

[zoolane]

Fists.

Silence with faint feeling of danger.
The air is darker by a faint shadow.
Violence summoned from within the soul.
The soul burst into rage.
Boiling is the blood running round in the veins.
Flaring fists and tool held tight.
Down with heaven and up with hell.

[everyadventure]

What reckless abandon in this last line: Down with heaven and up with hell!

Zoolane, I'm beginning to suspect that you might just be brilliant.

[zoolane]

What reckless abandon in this last line: Down with heaven and up with hell!

Zoolane, I'm beginning to suspect that you might just be brilliant.

Thank you for comment Everyadventure.

[Jerrybaldy]

Subtle in its violence, zoo.

I particularly liked


The air is darker by a faint shadow

[MystyrMystyry]

I love the way it builds in dramatics, it doesn't fade out, and as every observed, You saved the most powerful line until last

The only suggestion I have would be to name the tool - if it's your husband dob him in ( ;P ) or if it's an electric power saw, drill, or a hammer, 18" shifting wrench or something else with a bit of guts - release your inner psycho and give the reader an idea of the type of damage you intend - is it to be directed at a house or a person? A car or an insurance company? I presumed a person because of the fists in both the title and text
but knowing it's blunt, heavy or sharp could add to the mood

I certainly felt the anger, and have to say this is a great read, Zoo

[hillwalker]

You do a wonderful job here of expressing the rage inside someone close to breaking point. As others have noted this has some very effective lines and a brilliant climax.

H

[aliengirl]

I liked this from the very first line. Its so brilliantly built up. The first two lines build up the rage that bursts in the fourth line. As suggested above if you'd name the tool it would be more effective.

[zoolane]

Fists.

Silence with faint feeling of danger.
The air is darker by a faint shadow.
Violence summoned from within the soul.
The soul burst into rage.
Boiling is the blood running round in the veins.
Flaring fists and tool held tight.
Down with heaven and up with hell.


The term 'tool' is weapon uses in fight for example 'are you tool up?' or when feud is happening.

The poem is basic on two gangs at war and maybe sinner bystander or someone who does not really want to be involve.

[zoolane]

My turn.

I shall wait my turn.
My faith is sealed.
My delivery will come.
My untimely death is my own doing.
My family will take the punish.
For life, I had with them.