Snake Trails

[Delta40]

In the
forest
high on
the slope
trickles
of water
seep through
the floor
to emerge
Thick
Muddy
Globular
They weaken
hardened
foundations
Magically filtered
drops
dribble
their way
on a downhill
slide
to join
other trickles
that have
oozed
through the
earth
like unblurred
springs
Snake trails
are etched
on our minds
They eddy
Surge
Rupture
to overlap
conjoin
and become
a slithering
glissade
of nature

[PrinceMyshkin]

I practically got dizzy following this sinuous path downwards but perhaps because of the propulsive energy, I felt the ending was a bit of an anti-climax.

[Delta40]

I spent alot of time shaping the text like a snake but lit-net format just won't have it!

[Jerrybaldy]

When you preview it by putting cursor on the title the snake form is there, but it goes when you go in. Its clever Delta, but I have a leaning toward your more personal stuff.
smokeless Jerry Grrrrrrr.

[MystyrMystyry]

Cool Delta - I was about to say that it should have been snakeform, but you said it for me, and you needn't blame Litnet, you're perfectly capable of putting up a link to a text file (or Wordpad better) with the formatting in place

A good ride

[hillwalker]

I thought the closing three lines were near perfect - a slithering glissade of nature - but was also expecting a deeper message referencing perhaps the Garden of Eden.

H

[firefangled]

I liked the way this form took its time. In some places I had difficulty without punctuation, but only a little. The last three lines were wonderful, I agree with other comments.

[Delta40]

I thought the closing three lines were near perfect - a slithering glissade of nature - but was also expecting a deeper message referencing perhaps the Garden of Eden.

H

Thank you Hill. I'm sort of caught up in the devastating disasters that continue to flood through my beloved country and that is why I wrote it. The sheer force of water. You wrote about the necessity of it. Rather ironic in this context.

[everyadventure]

"Slithering glissade" was my favorite part, all the hissing s's! The word "floor" threw me off for a moment, made me think of a cabin in the woods before I realized you meant forest floor... ground might have been better. Then again, it could just be that my imagination is hopelessly wayward!

[blank|verse]

Yes, it's a shame the serpentine form didn't work out. (It would be useful if the LitNet system allowed this.)

I echo those who enjoyed 'slithering glissade' for its sounds; but in terms of meaning, I felt (and perhaps this is what Prince means) that it is rather too cultured or artistic. The verbs before it 'Surge | Rupture' suggest something more aggressive and powerful, along with the implied metaphorical image of a seething river of snakes. 'Glissade' works against this - my dictionary defines it partly as 'a gliding step in ballet', which seems a bit too refined. And which I think's a shame because it's a brilliant phrase. Still, a great image.