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Emil Miller
02-04-2011, 02:11 PM
Gert Ricksjdorp pulled into the delivery bay of the supermarket and braked sharply as a large ginger cat ran in front of his lorry.
“Bloody cats,” he said in his heavy Flemish accent. He wasn’t in the best of moods, because the pull up where he usually stopped in Ostend for a meal had been closed and he’d decided to carry on to his destination with the intention of eating on his return journey.
He parked and got down from the vehicle to be greeted by the supermarket manager Steve West who was on the loading bay talking to one of his assistants.
“Hi Gert!” exclaimed Steve, “ How was the trip?”
“ Not bad, not bad, I’ve got the extra cases you ordered.”
“ OK, come into the office and I’ll sign for delivery,” said Steve.
Ever since the supermarket had opened three years ago, Gert Ricksjdorp had driven from the brewery in Belgium once a month to the Big Save supermarket in Ashford, catching the early morning ferry at Ostend and delivering his cargo of beer by mid-morning.
“ Here’s your copy,” said Steve, handing the signed delivery note to the driver. “ I guess you’ll be heading straight back won’t you?”
“Yes I will, I didn’t have anything to eat in Ostend but I’ll certainly make up for it when I get off the ferry.”
“Well I guess the beer’s unloaded by now so I hope you have a good return journey.”
“Thanks. See you next month. Bye.”

Steve West was also discontented that morning; in fact he’d been like it for weeks, and all because of Susan Peters. She had started working at the supermarket a few months previously and from the first time he’d seen her he was smitten. She was seventeen and lived in a flat, which she rented from her aunt, at the other end of the road in which the store was situated. She wasn’t a glamorous kind of girl who turns heads, but she had that natural beauty that turns hearts and the young manager had fallen desperately in love with her.
It was Susan’s first job and she worked on one of the checkout desks. As is often the case, there was a certain turnover of staff among the checkout assistants and Steve was constantly worried that Susan might decide move on.
When he had first spoken to her in a work capacity, she had given every indication that she liked him and he was on the point of asking her out when he’d heard the conversation that had plunged him into gloom.
He’d been in the staff canteen when Susan had come in and waved to a girl sitting at the next table before joining her for lunch. “ Did you have a nice holiday?” Susan asked the girl.
“Yes it was great, we had sunshine every day. We’re thinking of going again next year.”
They spoke in a desultory way for a while when the girl suddenly said. “How’s Gerry?”
“Oh still as wonderful as ever. I love him to bits, he just makes my day every time I see him.”
“Well I don’t blame you he is gorgeous, I wish he was mine.”
Susan looked wistfully into the middle distance and said,” Well you can’t have him, he belongs to me and I know he’d never leave me.”
Steve got up and walked from the canteen as though in a trance. His heart felt like a lead weight inside him and he said to his under manager that he felt unwell and was leaving early.
On the journey home, he told himself that he was a fool to think that she wouldn’t have a boyfriend. She could have had any man she wanted.
The following day, when she was taking her break in the canteen, Susan saw the manager come into the room and smiled at him as he passed her table, but he appeared not to have noticed her and seated himself on the other side of the room.
Now, three weeks later, he was still utterly dejected that the most wonderful person in the world was but a matter of yards from his office but might as well be a million miles away.
If Steve West’s mood was gloomy, Susan Peters’ sunny disposition had given way to one of anxiety, which deepened over the course of the next few days.
Steve didn’t know about it until a customer complained that Susan had given her the wrong change and he had called her into his office, “Now why did you short change that customer Susan? It’s not like you,” every word sounded like a dagger in his heart but he had to do his duty as manager.
“ I don’t know Mr West, I…” she broke into violent sobs and casting aside his manager’s hat, he took her in his arms.
“There, there, it’s alright. Don’t cry. Are you in some sort of trouble?”
Then she related the whole story. Gerry had left her. He’d just walked out of her life three days ago. In any kind of relationship there are usually downs as well as ups and sometimes Gerry had done things that annoyed her, but there had been no altercation to explain his sudden departure.
Her tears rolled down her cheeks onto his shirtfront and he whispered softly in her ear that he loved her and had done since the very first day she had begun working at the store.
“Don’t worry Susan everything’s going to be fine,” he told her.

Gerry climbed down from the vehicle and gazed about him, he was completely disoriented. This wasn’t what he’d been expecting. He had spent the last three hours asleep and awoke to find himself completely at odds with his surroundings. Perhaps if he had a scout round the district he would find what he was looking for, but he was unable to locate anything that would give him a lead as to which direction he should take. There wasn’t a solitary landmark that he recognised, so he carried on walking and hoping to come across a road that would take him where he wanted to go.
After walking for what seemed like days, he came out onto a seafront with a large fish market selling an amazing variety of seafood. Two women were cutting up fish on one of the stalls and Gerry walked over to them.
One of the women saw him and exclaimed, “Kijk naar die mooie gember kat! Is hij niet prachtig?"

Which roughly translated, means, “Look at that beautiful ginger cat! Isn't he gorgeous?”

hillwalker
02-05-2011, 10:45 AM
Weird is the word that springs to mind.

I understand the reappearance of the ginger cat at the end - absurd yet neatly rounding off a tale of three separate incidents as it were. Similar in style to movies like 'Babel' possibly, but ruined by the 3 'stories' themselves which are banal in the extreme.

A delivery to a supermarket combined with mundane chit-chat.....

A till operator being reprimanded for short-changing a customer (?????) then falling into the arms of her supervisor (on what planet would this scenario be remotely believeable on the basis of the information you have given us in the story?).....

and finally the delivery driver waking up in a strange place then walking 'for what seemed like days' (????) to a fish market.

The foundations of the story are very wobbly indeed - technically this is well written - but the lack of plot lets it down.

H

everyadventure
02-05-2011, 11:19 AM
I am at a loss for words.

Oh wait, I found some: "what the heck?"

Utterly confused, but feel free to blame my ignorance :)

Emil Miller
02-05-2011, 11:24 AM
Thanks for the comment, Yes it is a bit of whimsy really but you seem to have missed point. The driver's name was Gert, as befits a native of Flanders, but Gerry is most important character both in and at the end of the story. The point/ joke of the story is in the last line. Give it another try and then see what you think.

hillwalker
02-05-2011, 11:42 AM
So Gerry's the cat..... I'm still bemused why you had to include the middle portion for the reasons already mentioned. A great punch-line - but not much in the way of a joke. More a shaggy-dog story.

H

Emil Miller
02-05-2011, 12:19 PM
So Gerry's the cat..... I'm still bemused why you had to include the middle portion for the reasons already mentioned. A great punch-line - but not much in the way of a joke. More a shaggy-dog story.

H

Well the story revolves around the supermarket manager thinking that Gerry is Susan's boy friend when he hears her talking about him to the other girl.
It's common knowledge that cats will stow away to sleep on vehicles and subsequently wake up miles from home. That's what Gerry did in Gert's vehicle and he descended from it in Ostend when Gert had parked it to get something to eat as he had intimated at the beginning of the story. Cats will wander for a long time in trying to re orientate themselves when lost. There is actually a large fish market in Ostend and a cat would naturally gravitate towards it. The joke in the story is that not until the last line,is there any sign that Gerry is not a man but a cat.

As an aside, I was unintentionally shortchanged by a checkout lady recently and she said that usually when it happens, they are called in by the manager.

everyadventure
02-05-2011, 12:40 PM
All right, got it this time around. Seems a bit odd that she'd take her cat on vacation? And the way the waitress is so covetous of a cat? Mmm.

Emil Miller
02-05-2011, 12:55 PM
All right, got it this time around. Seems a bit odd that she'd take her cat on vacation? And the way the waitress is so covetous of a cat? Mmm.

Nope, I'm afraid you havent. It was the girl who went on vacation, and why do you think she was a waitress? I happen to have a very nice cat and a young lady said to me recently that she wished it was hers but her mother wouldn't let her have one.

hillwalker
02-05-2011, 12:58 PM
Now all is explained I feel I've done you a disservice - I missed the link between the 'boyfriend' and the 'cat' and saw this as some strange, parallel story with very tenuous links.

I think I became distracted by the dialogue in the opening section that read like filler - and the inappropriate behaviour of the store manager.

So.... a better tale than we all gave you credit for. Perhaps with a little tightening and attention to the dialogue we would 'get' the twist first time round.

h

everyadventure
02-05-2011, 01:07 PM
It was the plural "we" had a very nice time that threw me off, although I suppose she could have taken a friend on vacation. My fault.

Emil Miller
02-05-2011, 01:24 PM
Now all is explained I feel I've done you a disservice - I missed the link between the 'boyfriend' and the 'cat' and saw this as some strange, parallel story with very tenuous links.

I think I became distracted by the dialogue in the opening section that read like filler - and the inappropriate behaviour of the store manager.

So.... a better tale than we all gave you credit for. Perhaps with a little tightening and attention to the dialogue we would 'get' the twist first time round.

h

I intentionally kept the dialogue mundane at the beginning because I wanted to distract the reader from the opening sentence which mentioned a ginger cat. If the cat was retained, in the readers mind, they might have cottoned on to the fact that Susan's 'Gerry' was a cat when she was talking about it to the girl in the staff canteen. In which case the punchline would have been superfluous. The 'love' interest was admittedly weak but I was trying to avoid anything too serious which might have distracted from the whimsical tone of the story.

kittypaws
02-05-2011, 11:25 PM
Brian ~ I got it from the beginning....enjoyed it much. Perhaps I picked up on the happenings cuz I am an animal person and it sounds like something I would write! LOL!

kittypaws

Emil Miller
02-06-2011, 07:07 AM
Brian ~ I got it from the beginning....enjoyed it much. Perhaps I picked up on the happenings cuz I am an animal person and it sounds like something I would write! LOL!

kittypaws

Well I guess people with cats might more readily catch on. What concerns me is that I live in an area with a transient population and there are often signs posted on trees etc, asking if anyone has seen a missing cat.
People don't seem to realise that when moving to a new location, it is essential to keep the animal inside for a couple of weeks so that it gets used to its new surroundings, otherwise it will automatically try to find its old territory.
The story was just an idea and didn't take long to write but I'm glad you liked it.

AuntShecky
02-20-2011, 03:54 PM
Oh, so all of this was merely an elaborate trick on the reader! It is amusing, but sort of a roundabout way to get to the punchline or what is essentially a one-joke shaggy dog (or cat) story.

It does, however, show subtlety and cleverness on the part of the writer.

I hope that you'll post some more fiction, but if you do, may I request that you help the eyesight of those of us who aren't quite as young as "Susan" that you skip a space between each paragraph, including every change of speaker in the dialogue.

Finally, I also hope that if writing short stories is something which you enjoy doing, you also enjoy reading them. In my increasingly humble opinion, the very best short story set in a supermarket is this one (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A%26P_(story)). The story can be found in several anthologies of American short stories as well as high school textbooks.

Delta40
02-21-2011, 02:41 AM
without reading the other comments, I understand the certain banality of the story as a background to the mystery of Gerry who is in fact a cat and finds himself in Ostend. On that basis, it required my extra attention and I rather enjoyed the quirky misleading way of writing Brian.