The Grand Father Clock

[zoolane]

The Grand Father Clock.

Howling through the midnight hour as clock strike past hour.
As the night before, the door flew open with shining crystal light with whisper noise.
Which is so soft that only trees outside can heard it call.
Whistling crest the air carrying it beyond the floor boards.
The humming is get loud as the faint sound of the ticking of hand on the Grandfather clock.
Subtle rattles of the pipes thought house is shaking it.
Suddenly the house collapse but the Grandfather clock is still stand.
Stand its ground thought the test of time.

[Jassy Melson]

This would be a very good poem if it was edited and misspelled words were corrected. The words that are spelled wrongly really takes away from the effectiveness of the poem.

[zoolane]

This would be a very good poem if it was edited and misspelled words were corrected. The words that are spelled wrongly really takes away from the effectiveness of the poem.

I edited it only what I see. Thank you Jassy for your comment.

[MystyrMystyry]

I like it very much zoolane

[PrinceMyshkin]

There's a haunted, haunting quality throughout this - and it represents something of a change from your usual way of working, a reaching out for a different way to write!

[hillwalker]

This is more descriptive than much of your work - I particularly like the idea that only the trees are able to hear certain sounds.

And there are number of words you have used to effectively echo the sounds all around -

Whistling crest the air.....

is a favourite phrase, though perhaps not grammatically perfect.

H

[zoolane]

Time.

Dawn is edging is way round the time.
Drifting gentle through its time.
Pour out into the world.
Grain the seed within the life.
Deep down in the core of seconds.
Shallow sound can be heard of clicking.
Swirling of the clicking, breaking the flow of time.
The hand came off, the numbers fell to the ground.

[Jerrybaldy]

Although I have only heard 'The Raven' your grandfather clock reminded me of Edgar Allen Poe. That can only be a good thing.
Nice one zoo.

[everyadventure]

I like the imagery of this noble clock standing proud and strong... time carries on, even as the world turns to dust.

Your poems are always a pleasure to read.

[Delta40]

I'm glad you followed the advice about the Grandfather clock and created a poem. Much more effective and I think you and I often say a heck of alot more when we use brevity as a tool

[blank|verse]

I'm going to sound like a stuck record here
like a stuck record here
like a... (you get the idea)
but the first poem reminds me of one of Charles Simic's - The Clocks of the Dead (http://www.poetryarchive.org/poetryarchive/singlePoem.do?poemId=5561) and shares a certain surreal, very visual quality with his poems.

The second reminds me of William Blake's 'Augeries of Innocence' ('To see a world in a grain of sand'). Both are good poems, zoolane. Good stuff.

[zoolane]

Thank you for all for comments, I am greaty flatter that my poems, that remind poeple of such as poets as Poe, Simic and Blake. I have readed all 3 poems, there are all wonder poems.