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View Full Version : Through The LitNet Glass, or, EveryAdventure in Wonderland



everyadventure
02-03-2011, 04:00 PM
Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the dance?
-Lewis Carroll

Urged by
vague
curiosity
I peer at LitNet
through the glowing screen
Of my MacBook
I lean closer—
too close!—
and fall

A wondrous
tumbling
head over
heels over
head
Words pass me by
I reach for them
metallic
messy
meows
But they are not solid matter
I fall
and
fall
and while away
the time
by penning a poem
in my head

I land with a
THUMP
in the
middle
of a forum
I search for an exit
at last spying
a tiny door
“This is absurd!”
I stamp
one slippered foot
“I am much
much
much
too large.”

A sharp, rude prod
against my backside
I whirl around
to face
Of all things
a Goose

“I beg your pardon!
Did you just poke me
with that horrid, hardened
beak?”

The Goose gazes at me
with one shiny eye
and gives a regal nod
Her beak opens
and out rolls
a vial
that stops at my feet

I pick it up
“Drink Me,”
I read.
The goose nods
encouragement as
I uncork
the bottle and

hesitate

before lifting her criticism to my lips
I drink
swallow
And am promptly
shrunk down to size
I’m relieved to find
I don’t go out altogether,
as a candle.

“Thank you!” I call
over my shoulder
as I scurry
through
the door
and emerge
in a lush garden

“Perhaps I
can find someone
to show me the way.”
I soon come upon
a most curious creature
languishing on a mushroom’s cap
ardently suckling
his hookah

“Hello!” I call.
He looks down
from his fungal throne
and envelops me
in an
exhalation

I try again
“Hello,”
I say,
“Who are you?”

He s t r e t c h e s
to his full height
“I
am
Jerrybaldy!
And w h o o o o
are you?”

Who indeed?
“I know who I was
when I got up this morning
but I think
I must have been
changed
several times since then.”

“You must be Missing,”
he surmises
“Recite!”
as though a poem
will bring me back
to myself

I begin
with Bronte
“My God! O let me call Thee mine!”
Jerrybaldy reddens with rage
“It is wrong
from beginning to end!”

He leans low
and shouts
“There is no God!”
His skin splits
and he is freed
of his casing
wings unfurl
and off he flies
leaving me
still
quite grounded

Curiouser and curiouser.

I walk on
and come across
a pigeon
all aflutter
“A Preposterous Affair!”
she splutters,
speaking
of eggs
and nests,
of earth
and spring
Then points
with an elegant
feathered wing

“A serpent!” she accuses
“No, no,” I protest
“A poet, not a serpent!”
But it’s useless

“I can see
you’re trying to
invent something!”
she cries
“And as we all know,
a poet never tries!”

I’ve had quite enough
and take my leave

It isn’t long before
I hear a meow
And look up at a
cat
perched on a bough

It looks good natured;
still,
it has VERY
l o n g claws
and a great many
teeth
and I feel it ought
to be treated
with respect

“Hillwalker,”
he purrs
in answer
to my unspoken question

“Hillwalker, please,
would you tell me
which way to go from here?”

“That depends
a good deal
on where you want
to get to.”

“I don’t much care---”

“This,” he purrs,
“Is a case
of the tail
wagging
the dog.”
And with that
he vanishes.

I’m feeling giddy
not nearly as grounded
as I was this morning
but there’s nothing to do
but keep going

At last I see
a table
decked for tea
“Finally, civilized people!”
I sit beside a young man
with a hat
that
perches precariously
upon his head.

He extends a
gloved
gentlemanly
hand.

“How do you do?” I ask politely.

“Lonely with cold sincere thoughts,”
he confesses.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” I reply.
“But perhaps we should find
some more palatable
conversation?”

He clasps gloved hands
in delight
“Rumours of gossips!”

“Oh dear,” I say
“That wouldn’t be polite.”

“How about a riddle?” he asks
crumbs of bread and butter
falling from his mouth
“If we are sole judge on are merits
are merits of luxury?”

I ponder and ponder
but find no answer.
“I’m very sorry,
but I still have a
ways to go.”
He waves me
graciously
onward

I spot
two fingerposts
pointing
the same direction
One marked
“To Bartleby’s House,”
the other,
“To Grit’s House”

The path takes a turn
and there I see
two men
each with an arm
round
the other’s neck

“Could you tell me,
please,
which is the best
way for me?”

They grin
And say in unison
“The woods!
The woods!
All good stories
end in the woods!”

“But…
I don’t want to end,
I just want to leave!”

“Take a dog,”
advises Grit
“Or a cat,”
counsels Bartleby.

But I have neither
(where is Hillwalker
when I need him?)
and continue
alone

I finally emerge
in a grassy clearing
rimmed by a row
of tidy rose hedges

Jack of Hearts
is busily painting
white blooms
scarlet

“Who are those for?” I ask,
pointing to the
roses
He turns to me
sincerity seizes all his features
and the shiny coins of his eyes
gleam
“They’re for… uh…
my queen.”

“The queen!” I declare
“There is a queen?”

Jack paints with nervous vigor
“Of course there is a queen!”
As if on cue
I hear the blare
of trumpets
A procession!
Led by a minstrel
(or perhaps a prince?)
tooting his own horn
His notes scatter
in an apparently
aimless
way

And there!
The queen!
Naked, glorious,
resplendent girth!
“Halt!” she bellows,
spying me.
She points a blood-red
fingernail
“She has stolen my poem
and given it to another!
Off with her
head!”

"Wait! Wait!"
I exclaim

"Alright
right
right
I'll wait
wait
wait
but only because
you asked me to."

“Please,” I begin,
“I’d rather play
croquet?”

everyadventure
02-03-2011, 04:01 PM
A gift for the unusual array of characters I've discovered here.

And before anyone feels the need to tell me so, yes I know I'm mixing both of Carroll's stories here, but come on, Bartleby and Grit as Tweedledum and Tweedledee was just too tempting to resist!

I adore you all :)

PrinceMyshkin
02-03-2011, 04:53 PM
And you are very likely adored by a growing number of us!

zoolane
02-03-2011, 04:59 PM
Great poem. The title said all about this site. x

Delta40
02-03-2011, 06:22 PM
I have never liked Alice in Wonderland but I did enjoy your adventure!

PrinceMyshkin
02-03-2011, 06:44 PM
I have never liked Alice in Wonderland...

Is one allowed not to like it? Maybe that's permitted in Oz!

blank|verse
02-03-2011, 08:24 PM
This is very entertaining, and quite an adventure, everyadventure. :)

There have been other LitNet-based poems, but perhaps none quite as long! (I'm afraid you don't get any official recognition for this, sorry!)

And do I recognise someone introduced early on? Not sure what to make of the sex change - I was a boy last time I looked... I'm presuming there is some implied reference to Shakespeare's indeterminate sexuality, therefore this is really a compliment?? :)

everyadventure
02-03-2011, 09:01 PM
Oh dear, the gender change IS a rather embarrassing problem. I can't think why I would assume you were female, except for your goose avatar reminds me of a painting in my grandmother's kitchen... a case of wayward transference, I'm afraid. My apologies, dear Gander!

Hm, did I give anyone else discrepant genitalia?

PrinceMyshkin
02-04-2011, 08:42 AM
Oh dear, the gender change IS a rather embarrassing problem. I can't think why I would assume you were female, except for your goose avatar reminds me of a painting in my grandmother's kitchen... a case of wayward transference, I'm afraid. My apologies, dear Gander!

Hm, did I give anyone else discrepant genitalia?

Certainly not JerryB who seems to possess at least one of every kind!

hillwalker
02-04-2011, 08:51 AM
No - just had a quick check again. I'm happy to say I was never neutered as a kitten.

Great fun to read - and to spot the characters (some more blatant than others). Delta - queen of hearts?

I loved it - and as you might have guessed you are a most welcome member of our (distinctly non-political) tea party.

H

everyadventure
02-04-2011, 03:48 PM
Great fun to read - and to spot the characters (some more blatant than others). Delta - queen of hearts?
H

Quite right... you must admit she rules!

Jack of Hearts
02-04-2011, 04:24 PM
Jerry, that decadent crazy man. But might this Bartleby in fact be notre ami bortleman?




J

bortleman
02-04-2011, 04:48 PM
It's always nice to see a facet of your life emulated in art. I don't know anything about poetry otherwise I might make a suggestion. A pleasant read though :)

Jerrybaldy
02-04-2011, 08:09 PM
A hoot MissAdventure. I wrote a poem imagining a lit net old peoples home/asylum not too long after joining and you would not believe the hulabaloo it caused :D I am honoured at the mention and enjoyed spotting all the other characters from this home of international dreamers. I can only echo the above that you are a most welcome member here, a very fun guest with a very enjoyable style of writing. That was the longest poem I have ever read on here. You must have a lot of spare time you lucky bugger.
keep posting.
Decadance :)

Jerrybaldy
02-04-2011, 08:11 PM
P.S Fungal throne ? lol :)

everyadventure
02-04-2011, 10:59 PM
A hoot MissAdventure. I wrote a poem imagining a lit net old peoples home/asylum not too long after joining and you would not believe the hulabaloo it caused


And where, praytell, might I find said poem?

jajdude
02-05-2011, 12:58 AM
Nice one, liked it a lot, could dig hill and jack in there, having read many of their posts.